tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59820999560271219442024-03-14T01:12:25.440-06:00The Roman MissionaryJust the site of another kid hoping to change the world for the better. These are the things that happened to me; hopefully they can help you, too.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger202125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-11305502129445836582010-08-22T23:11:00.000-06:002010-08-22T23:11:19.440-06:00Learning to Have FunA few months ago the Lord told me I needed a vacation. I’m not a vacation person. The thought of leaving behind all my responsibilities and floating with the breeze on an island beach fills me with absolute horror. But His suggestion (and the comments that have followed me since birth) helped me realize that I was taking life too seriously. Amid the tumult of buying a house, helping siblings prepare for school, serving in a new calling, and working on way too many projects, I think I’m starting to better understand what He meant. This week I had fun.<br />
<br />
I could tell you about the house we bought in Orem on Friday – my brother and I will be moving there in a month or two and then we’ll have a housewarming party. I’d probably rave about the 19 peach, apple, plum, pear, apricot, walnut, chestnut, and cherry trees, along with blackberry bushes, grape vines, and the massive hedge of lilacs. Or I could address the massive workload of being an Assistant Executive Secretary in a student ward during turnover time. I definitely have my work cut out for me. But I think I’ll write about something totally different and completely atypical instead. Brace yourselves.<br />
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Monday, after getting back from San Diego, I went with my family to Bridal Veil Falls up Provo Canyon. We ate dinner down at the bottom of the falls, and then the rest of the family hiked up while I watched my little brother jump in and out of the freezing water at the bottom. As I watched him and other kids there, I was amazed to see how one little thing affected their attitude. My brother was wearing crocks – shoes made of plastic – and so wasn’t concerned about stepping on rocks. He would have been happy to spend hours jumping in and out of the water. Every other kid took painstaking steps while in the water, focusing more on the rocks and the potential pain than on enjoying themselves. Looking at my own life, I realized that maybe I needed to learn to put work and everything else on hold once in a while, put on my crocks, and jump into the ice cold water… for the sheer fun of it. I had just gotten a call from my boss letting me know that my start day had been moved back, so I had the chance to put it to work.<br />
<br />
My own having fun came in a somewhat roundabout manner. When my family researched purchasing passes for our annual trip to the waterpark, we learned of a new 13-month season pass that was good there, for basketball games, baseball games, and two Trafalga mini-theme parks nearby. Since it lasts until Labor Day of next year and was really inexpensive with a coupon code, we bought the passes for everyone. Our trip to the waterpark went in the usual manner – we arrived on a sunny day, storm clouds gathered, lightning struck, and they closed the pools and the rides for almost 2 hours. While we waited and everyone else left the park, I convinced my family to play a game. It’s normally played with bean bags – you toss them around the circle, crossing through the center, always receiving the bag from person A and tossing it to person B. You slowly increase the number of bean bags and try to time your throws correctly while catching the ones you receive. We didn’t have bean bags; my idea was to use single tubes (the massive inflatable ones) instead. Everyone thought I was crazy, but we tried it and, within minutes, were rolling with laughter. It worked really well. We played for 30 minutes before the wind picked up. Then a lifeguard came over and told us we couldn’t throw tubes because the wind was too strong. She mentioned that we actually weren’t supposed to be throwing them anyway, but our game had looked like so much fun that they just wanted to watch. When the park finally opened again, there were no lines for anything. The sunny – lightning – empty park motif has happened every time we’ve gone for the last 10 years. Nice.<br />
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Then we went to Trafalga. I wasn’t really too keen on going to a place to play mini-golf and bumper boats, but my siblings and cousins were enthralled. And that’s what mattered. And then I got hooked. On laser tag. They have a laser tag arena (not huge, but not cramped either) where 20 people can play a 15-minute game. The arena is set up well… and so I began playing with family, friends, and complete strangers. And I have a confession to make. I love laser tag. I love ducking beneath a window to shield my shoulder pads or crouching in a corner, head up, watching for flashing red or blue lights. Laser tag meshes the adrenaline rush of team and individual survival with the reality that (unlike paintballs or BB’s or video games) they don’t do anything to you, virtually or physically. There is no violence, blood, pain, death... just a buzzing sound – you’ve been tagged – and a countdown from 3 until you’re ready to go again. A fifteen minute game is long enough to work up a sweat, and as we leave the arena each time, my brother and I were usually the top two scorers. He and I must have inherited some of the stuff that earned our grandfather sharpshooting medals in the military years ago. After playing three games in a row, we stopped to reflect on what had just happened. We bought a 13-month season pass that allows us unlimited entry to a bunch of attractions. The arenas I’ve played at before cost up to $15 a person, per game… and I’ve never even heard of a season pass before. I can imagine meeting friends, having family parties, all revolving around laser tag. I told you I loved laser tag. Now, if they only had a season pass for dates…<br />
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Most of you know that I don’t let myself just go and have fun as much as most people. I focus on doing things that will bring me closer to my goals, instead of just doing things for the sheer pleasure of doing them. And I don’t think that I’m going to change that. But I’m learning that I can find ways to use activities I enjoy to accomplish my goals. Laser tag is pretty good exercise. It’s a good way to relax. And I think it sounds like a good date activity, too (as long as you’re on the same team and stay together). Those are all things that are important to me – and that means I have a pretty good excuse to play laser tag.<br />
<br />
Each of us needs to enjoy life. Some of us need more fun than others, but we all need to find things to look forward to – things that can be a part of our lives and motivate us to be better people, while helping us to fulfill our goals and dreams. As far as asking for help this week, I’m trying to do missionary work and I’d love your prayers. For my invitation, look at your life and think of something that you love doing… and find ways to incorporate the things you love into your everyday. I’m learning that it’s worth it. Yes, it may take time, or it may mean that you spend a little less time working at your desk. But it will energize you and allow you the opportunity to refresh your soul. I know that God wants us to be happy. Sometimes that means learning to work hard and enjoying the work we do. And sometimes it means finding new ways to enjoy life. Smile. Have a great week. Go out and be missionaries.<br />
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I love you all!<br />
<br />
DavidUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-57050276210578436932010-08-20T19:04:00.000-06:002010-08-20T19:04:18.813-06:00Sunburns, Sand Crabs, and Ocean BaptismsThis last week passed in a whirlwind. From job interviews to oceanside baptisms to long car trips through the desert, it's been crazy. And, strangely, something inside me says this is only the calm before the storm.<br />
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My family came into town Wednesday. 12 hours later, we arrived in California for my cousin's wedding. Weddings are amazing events in my family. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, distant relatives, and family friends drive and fly from all over the world in a massive show of support. Together we got sunburned at the beach, mastered the art of digging for sand crabs, took hundreds of pictures, and spent hours talking until late each night. <br />
<br />
Amid the tumult, my little brother was baptized Friday before the wedding dinner. We gathered under a blue canopy and held a short meeting - passersby staring as we sang Primary songs. I gave a talk on the Holy Ghost and then he walked out, wearing white, to be baptized in the Pacific Ocean.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, the sealer in the temple related some cogent advice from Church leaders on how to develop eternal, happy relationships. Be kind. Think of others before you think of yourself. Involve the Lord in everything you do. A few moments later, the sealing was over, and I joined the rest of the wedding party outside waiting for the new bride and groom.<br />
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Each time I attend a wedding, I wonder, wistfully, how long it will be until mine. I saw a few shooting stars from the Pleiades this week; someday, hopefully, my wish upon a star will come true. <br />
<br />
I guess this week's message focuses on the importance of listening to the Lord. No matter where we are or what is happening in our lives, turning to God will give us the strength to move forward. I know that God cares about us. He wants to be actively involved in our lives. Turn to Him, and ask for guidance in the events of your life.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-10395730364849919952010-08-08T21:36:00.001-06:002010-08-08T21:36:44.437-06:00Enroute to Stardom (or someplace)<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 14"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 14"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTELEME%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTELEME%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTELEME%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} a:link, span.MsoHyperlink {mso-style-priority:99; color:blue; mso-themecolor:hyperlink; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed {mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; color:purple; mso-themecolor:followedhyperlink; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page WordSection1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.WordSection1 {page:WordSection1;} --> </style><p class="MsoNormal"></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It's amazing to look back and think that just a few weeks ago I was stressed out beyond thinking, just because I didn't know what was going to happen in the future. Deep down inside, I knew that God was involved in my life; I just hadn't yet caught the vision of what He wanted to accomplish. In my prayers recently I've pled with the Lord to help me be more involved in the work – to find ways to better serve those around me. And so, this week, that is what He did. I think I am just now realizing that He has way more in store for me than I will ever understand.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Monday morning I woke up and logged in to my most recent endeavor – being more involved as a friend and a missionary in the online world. I found new friends, chatted online, commented and posted on blogs, and tried to find ways to lift people in the world around me. Whether or not I had a major impact, I felt like I was doing something worthwhile – making a difference in the world. But you know me. I always try to think bigger. But what could I do to have a bigger impact?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I checked on the music competition I entered – and realized, quickly, that my name wasn't there. There were 16 entrants in the male category; I wasn't even in the top 10. Ouch. I really liked the recording I made (and still do), and so did almost everyone who listened to it. I guess I may have to put the "changing the world through music" plans on a temporary hold – at least for now.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then I got an email from a guy who had found my blog through my profile on <a href="http://www.mormon.org/">www.mormon.org</a>. Yeah. Interesting. He mentioned that he was beginning an ambitious blogging project – creating a "Top 100 Blog" – and felt my inspirational writing would fit well in the group. He had already invited a few other people, but felt prompted to go on to <a href="http://www.mormon.org/">www.mormon.org</a>, search for "author," bring up my profile, read my blog, and invite me to participate in the project. The Lord works in mysterious ways. There are seven of us working on the blog; we met as a group on Saturday to discuss names, themes, word limits, and everything else cogent to the project. After a long discussion on what topics to address, we decided to each have a day to just write about our lives and the topics that are most important to us. I was immediately voted the Sunday blogger. Since each post will go through two editors before publication, I'll probably write throughout the week and then let the "scheduled post" function take care of Sunday. The launch date (and launch party in Provo) is Saturday, September 18<sup>th</sup>. More info upcoming on that project as time gets closer.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">On the job front, I wrote a follow-up email when I hadn't heard from anyone by Wednesday. I got an email in return; as I had suspected, they were just really busy. I had no clue <i style="">how </i>busy. My phone died Wednesday night and the next morning I woke up to a message from my future manager, indicating that he only had time to talk between 4 and 7 am that morning. He was doing a car-counting service project for the community. It was 6:40. I pulled his number from the message details and we had a great 20-minute call. He wanted to meet in person, but he's totally booked until this Wednesday. From the tone of our conversation, I'm pretty sure I've got a job. It will probably be crazy busy. Hopefully we can find some time to meet and figure out what my responsibilities will be.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The final piece of "how I can be more involved" news came with a phone call this morning to have an interview at Church. Long story short, I got called to be an Assistant Ward Executive Secretary. For those who aren't familiar, that assignment means that every Sunday is completely booked from 9 to 5 – attending every meeting and being in the next room during every interview. And I thought my Sundays were busy already. But it's a great calling. I'm the assistant, so I'm in charge of scheduling all the interviews for the bishop's counselors. I'm also in charge of the ward website and helping to put together a ward directory for this next semester. The bishop knows that I may not be here long, be he was anxious to give me the calling anyway. Whatever happens, I'm excited for the chance to serve.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Last Sunday night I cried myself to sleep. In my fast, my prayers, and my every thought I asked God to help me reach out to the people around me, to help me lift up the hands that hang down, to help me be a better servant. And, this week, He did. I know that each of us wants to make a difference in our world – to better fill a role that the Lord has in store for us. Maybe it's to be a better mother, a better student, a better missionary, or just a better person. And so we search for it. We pray for guidance and, sometimes, the Lord is silent. And sometimes He lets us know He's listening with a flurry of answers designed specifically for us. My invitation for you this week is to ask the Lord to help you be a better servant. As you do, He'll help you find ways (maybe massive, maybe small) to improve and come closer to Him.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">p.s. – I totally forgot to ask for help in this post. I'll open the floodgates. I don't have a girlfriend or anyone that I'm currently dating. I don't think I'll ever write about the difficulties inherent in my relationships. The Lord may have reasons to keep me single now, but eventually I'd like to find someone (1) who I can be attracted to and (2) who is willing to do <i style="">anything</i> in the quest to be a better person each day. Feel free to send pertinent advice, phone numbers, or whatever.</p> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-61631750758825389082010-08-01T22:24:00.001-06:002010-08-01T22:24:38.701-06:00Helping people improve. Being a missionary.<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 14"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 14"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTELEME%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTELEME%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CTELEME%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page WordSection1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.WordSection1 {page:WordSection1;} --> </style>Sunrise here in Provo is an amazing thing. Hours pass, the sky slowly grows brighter, but the sun stays hidden behind the mountains… threatening to never rise. You wonder if the day will just go on without the sun ever arriving; it gets late enough that you have to move on to other things. And then, in an instant, rays of light stream over the mountains, lighting the sky and bringing full day to the valley below. Life the last few weeks has been sort of like a sunrise in Provo. Everything slowly grows brighter, and then it all falls together. Life is amazing. <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I recorded my full studio vocalist demo Monday. It's 4-5 songs (depending on whether I want to make someone listen to opera) that I can send to producers and others. I'm not completely ecstatic about some of the songs I did, but it worked. I'm probably my worst critic. Just email me and ask for a copy of the demos - the help I'm asking this week is that you send them on to whomever you know in the music recording world who might be interested. I'm looking for opportunities to do what's called "studio singing" – recording songs or jingles or whatever that someone else has written who needs to find a voice to sing it. If you don't know anyone, then just keep your eyes and ears open.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wednesday and Thursday I attended the Professional Career Workshop run by the local LDS Employment Resource Center. I went in skeptical of what they could say; the only advice I had gotten before from the center consisted of line items in my resume and filling out online profiles. But the class, which went from 9-4 both days, was actually a really good program. I was by far the youngest person there – the next youngest was 33 and the average age of the group or experienced professionals looking for work was probably 50. We learned about everything from negotiation to turning negatives in our resumes into positives. We wrote and presented 30-second concise statements introducing who we are, what we've done, and what we can bring to a company. And we practiced, and practiced, and practiced – even doing multiple mock interviews with live feedback from our coach and classmates who videotaped the interview. Just going for the networking side was worthwhile; one of the men already emailed me with a lead for a group of artists looking for children's book writers. If you know anyone looking for work, that might be a good thing to suggest. For me, the timing before my interview Friday couldn't have been better.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Friday I had a job / informational interview with the co-founder of a big consulting firm here in Provo. It had been scheduled to take place at their corporate office, but was changed that day to a meeting at his house – located in a gated community in north Provo. I wasn't sure if a shiny office or someone's private mansion was the more intimidating setting. I had no idea what to expect (Is he going to give me advice? Offer a job? Just talk?), since the interview had come from networking contacts – so I wore a white shirt, tie, and carried a copy of my resume. When I arrived and met the guy, he was smiling, wearing shorts, and barefoot. We went outside to talk next to his pool and I was greeted by a massive dog that promptly began smelling everything from my shoes to my hair, coating me with inch-long gold hair in the process. The interview was sort of shocking; he ran it like a job interview mixed with personal advice on how to move up in the company. He had chosen a potential job for me within 10 minutes of beginning the conversation. I also met his wife, who happens to have written a motivational book about finding symbolism in everyday life (we're exchanging manuscripts). It was over an hour and a half long, and we only stopped talking because he needed to get ready to leave for the Middle East. As he led me back to the front door, he commented that the interview wasn't normal for him, either. "I'm not this positive for every interview. I really enjoyed this," he said… and assured me that I should expect a call from them very soon. Wow.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">My thoughts this week, though (outside of stress for jobs and moving into an apartment), are on missionary work. Someone asked me a few days ago how I thought we could have the same blessings that missionaries have in the mission – being guided by the Lord, protected from temptation, amazingly happy. After thinking for a moment, I realized that the answer was actually amazingly simple. It's the same outline for every blessing; in D&C 131 it says "…when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated." You want a blessing? You follow the law that brings that blessing. You want the blessings of being a missionary? You follow the same laws as a missionary. You <i style="">do </i>what a missionary does.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Applying it to life is where most people I know just give up. They say, "We can't have the blessings of being a missionary since we can't dedicate ourselves to sharing the gospel full-time." Missionaries all over the world share the gospel in different ways. They follow a diligent schedule. They pray for guidance in building the kingdom. They study for themselves and others. They make plans. They reach out and help others. And those things <i style="">everyone </i>can do. As far as working during the day, some missionaries serve by teaching English classes to government officials. Sounds like an English teacher to me. Others sing in choirs and performances. Others do family history, or answer telephones, or serve in the temple. Others work to help with natural disasters. Missionaries do a lot more than just knock doors and stop people on the street; in reality, every honest job can be approached like a missionary would… and over time the things that each of us does in our lives, every day, become sublime.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Each of us had things that we do during the day. Cleaning a house, talking with others, working in our chosen (or current) career; but no matter what we do, we can be constantly helping others improve. The Lord has all blessings in store for us. We just need to ask for and live worthily to receive them. So that's my invitation this week. Look at your life and make it into missionary work. Everything in your life. Find meaning in the mundane things – folding laundry or counting cash in a drawer… and your attitude will turn you towards the Lord. You'll be more willing to ask Him for help, and He will help you. I know that He loves us, and that, for Him, all things have meaning beyond what we see. Everything He created in life is a symbol to help us think of the divine. As you strive to find that meaning, life will become richer… and you'll have a greater influence for good. Go out and be missionaries!</p><span style="" lang="IT"></span> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-33438823945427265662010-07-26T10:44:00.001-06:002010-07-26T10:44:44.991-06:00You don't have to be an expert to find meaning in life. <p class="MsoNormal">Life this week took some interesting turns. The LDS music workshop I attended last week included an optional recording competition; participants record the competition song in a studio and the top ten singers of each gender perform on an upcoming CD. Tyler Castleton and Jenny Phillips are the judges. Tyler coached me at my recording session and seemed pretty happy with my performance; the contest results will be posted in two weeks. I'll attach an .mp3 file of the song I recorded. There are a few things I would change – the second verse is too loud, for example – but it's pretty good either way. And the experience was a blast.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Since I've begun asking for help here in my letter, I've found that it has become easier to ask people for help and advice in person, as well. The combination has opened floodgates. I'm grateful for everything each of you does in my life. A few of the things on this week's schedule thanks to outside help: A meeting on Friday with the co-founder of a consulting firm in Provo. A studio session to record a professional demo CD on Monday. And a compelling TV program that may change my life (who knows?) on Tuesday night.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Last week I mentioned that I was planning to better understand where my book fit in the publishing world. This week I tried to put my plan to the test. After scouring a Seagull bookstore for books like <u>Watching Cookies in the Oven</u>, I caved in and asked an employee (who had already asked three times if she could help me) if any books like mine existed. Now don't get me wrong – there was an aisle and a half devoted solely to the Inspirational and Self-Help genres there. But, as far as I could see (and the employee agreed on this aspect), every inspirational book was written by someone who had a claim to being a 'popular expert' – holding a major calling in the Church, having a PhD in a relevant topic, teaching in the field for 30 years, or going through some massive perspective-changing experience like cancer or motherhood. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">But I didn't write <u>Watching Cookies in the Oven</u> from an expert perspective. It doesn't include proven methods to overcome life's problems or checklists that will instantly turn you into a better person. Why? Because I don't believe you need to be an expert to learn or apply the things I've learned. That's where my book is different. Underlying the monopoly of inspirational books written by BYU professors and Church leaders is the belief that normal people can't have sublime experiences. I believe that we are each individual children of God… and that we can each have sublime experiences each and every day. Do I think that reading my letter and applying the things I suggest will make you happy? No. In some cases the Spirit will inspire me to write about something particularly applicable to your life. But my stories are my own – and while I've learned great things, hopefully my letters inspire you to look at your own life and learn directly from the Lord, not to rely on my 'expertise.' The message of my book is that you don't need to go through cancer, childbirth, and war to become a better person; you just need to go through life. The Lord designs our lives with the perfect mix of experiences to help us turn to Him. For me, that's a lot more compelling than anything an expert could teach me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The employee at Seagull book suggested that I try to get endorsements from experts to make my book more marketable. The Spirit confirmed then and there that it was a good idea, so my personal feelings on the matter have been quelled. That brings me to my request for help this week: If you know any experts on life, think of them. Otherwise, think of people who might enjoy reading this letter. Forward this letter and a copy of <u>Watching Cookies in the Oven</u> (attached to last week's letter) and ask them to write about their experience reading. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just a few weeks ago I had no idea where life would take me. This week, I still have no idea. But something is different; I know that the Lord is involved in my life and I feel peace. And I have things to do in the meanwhile. I've wanted to do a demo recording session for years… but never felt it was worth the money or time. Maybe I'll find a job with a consulting firm. Maybe I'll dedicate a huge part of my life to music. Maybe I'll live in Utah or anywhere else in the US. Maybe none of those will happen. Hopefully I'll know in the next few weeks.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">When life is hard and I'm waiting for something, it can be hard to focus on anything else. Days seem to slowly creep by… and I wonder if I'm actually accomplishing anything worthwhile. But I'm in charge of my life… and so I should be able to find something to make life worthwhile. When I find things to do, dreams to fulfill, challenges to conquer, then life falls into place. And the waiting happens while I'm engaged in something else more meaningful. It's like a principle I learned at home. When you've lost something, pray for help and then clean the house. If you spend your time cleaning, then when you finish at least you have a clean house. Often you'll find what you're looking for. If you just look, on the other hand, then at the end you may just end up being more frustrated because you couldn't find what you were looking for, and you just wasted hours searching fruitlessly. If you just wait for the Lord to answer your prayers, then life will probably be miserable. So that's my suggestion for this week. Look at your life and the things you are waiting or searching for. Find something else that will help you accomplish your goals and also take your mind off less desirable tasks. And then do it. Be actively involved in shaping the direction of your life as you wait on the Lord to fulfill His promises. You deserve to be happy. Really.</span> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-28585929351563251302010-07-20T10:44:00.000-06:002010-07-20T10:45:05.625-06:00Sharing the Fire Within<div class="gmail_quote">I attended the LDS Music Industry workshop Saturday. One of the keynote speakers was Michael McLean, who spoke about his musical journey. He had worked for years trying to make it in the music world, and after dozens of defeats and living in abject poverty (according to his wife) he took a class at BYU from a famous professor with the intent of getting final input from someone who knew. If his professor approved, he would keep going. If not, he would go back to school so he could eventually pay the bills. At the end of the class, he asked his professor if he would ever make it in the world of music. "I don't know if you'll make money, Michael – I have no clue how that works. There are musical geniuses who have died paupers and people without talent who are millionaires." "But," he continued, after a faltering pause, "if you stopped making music, for me, it would be a personal loss. I don't know how to explain it… but your music speaks to me." Michael was shocked. That was a life-changing experience that gave him the courage to move forward. He continued his presentation focusing on the importance of sharing our personal message with the world – of being true to the thing that is burning deep inside each of us.<div class="gmail_quote"><div><div><div class="gmail_quote"><div><div><div class="gmail_quote"><div><div><div class="gmail_quote"><div> <div><div class="gmail_quote"><div><div><div class="gmail_quote"><div class="im"><p class="MsoNormal"> <br></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As he spoke, I wondered about my own life. What is the message I have to share with the world? Do I even have one? I've done so many different things and felt pulled in so many different directions. What makes my heart burn? What is it that gets me up in the morning? It's definitely not physics… that's for sure. And, smiling at the irony of the location for this thought, it isn't music, either. I looked around the room full of aspiring label artists and studio musicians and wondered how many other people were realizing that their callings in life weren't directly tied to the musical world. So what is it? And, if it really is my passion, I should be able to see how it has colored everything else I've done in my life. But is there something that ties it all together? It would be totally depressing if I couldn't find anything that continually inspired me. But what could it be? Even though I have a broad array of things I can do well, my passion for everything – dance, music, physics, horticulture, food storage and even changing the world of education waxes and wanes with the tides.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">My heart perked when I thought of how much I love to write, but it's hard to imagine writing being the main focus of my life. It had something to do with teaching, performing, writing, and having long conversations with friends and strangers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">As I thought, I realized that I already knew the answer… just that I hadn't recognized how much it truly did affect every part of my life. My passion in life, perhaps one of my few real passions, is changing people's lives – enabling them to make better decisions and achieve higher goals. When I studied physics, it was to understand it so that I could apply it in my own life, and then help others do the same. It was the same for dance, music, and everything else I do. That's the only thing that keeps me going and the guiding force in my life – helping people and organizations move forward… essentially, being a missionary.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I've known that my need to help others is central to many of the things I do. But, simultaneously, I held on to the belief that, since you can't get paid for missionary work, I really can't change the world as an information kiosk attendant, and the Lord steered me away from being a Seminary teacher, I needed to find a career I could enjoy without constantly changing lives. And so I worked in game design, teaching high school, writing, film and stage acting, educational research, food service, technical support, print/media/training development… I've had almost every dream job I ever wanted. And while each one worked partially, the Lord helped me realize they weren't for me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I think I am finally coming to grips that I probably won't be happy with a career until I find one that matches my greatest passion. I have only one passion, so that probably means I need a career where I am meeting new people and helping them improve their lives, their organizations, and their communities.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">My next dream schedule? Work each day at a full-time job in consulting, public speaking, or some field where I can constantly help people improve. Teach a few classes on the side – where I can teach anything – not just physics, where I can inspire students in their pursuit of everything in the world. Write inspirational books and share them with the world – different books for people who are on different places on the pathway to conversion. Sing music and share it with the world. Maybe do occasional inspirational speaking & music firesides and help others live the gospel that way.</p><p class="MsoNormal"> <br></p> </div><p class="MsoNormal">Which brings me to my request for help this week. Hopefully, someday, asking for help won't make me feel like a total loser or like I am loading people up with massive burdens. Whatever. I need to get over it. <u>Watching Cookies in the Oven</u> is a 98-page book based on some of the more compelling topics I addressed in the first few years of these letters. I'm trying to better understand what the book needs to be published. Maybe I just need to find the right publisher. Maybe I need to self-publish it. And maybe I need to be famous before anyone would buy it anyway. This week I'm contacting publishers and bookstore owners to better understand the market and where my book fits. I also need wider feedback and I'm trying to put together some music & speaking firesides. I can't just post it here on the Internet, so I'd like you to email me, ask for the manuscript, then read <u>Watching Cookies in the Oven</u> and identify which chapters really speak to you – things you would be excited to hear about at a fireside or other event, plus any other feedback you have. If you know anyone else who might want to read it, send it to them, too. And if there is nothing really compelling as relates to your life, let me know.</p><div class="im"> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Deep inside each of us, there is something burning. It's the fire that pushed Michelangelo to sculpt the David, da Vinci to paint the Mona Lisa, Edison to invent the electric light bulb. It's the motivation that gets us out of bed in the morning and the essence of our dreams. And, I think, it's different for everyone. My invitation to you this week is to look inside your heart. Find the fire that is burning there and make a goal to share that light, in some way, with the world. One of the reasons we are here on the earth is to learn to be happy. If you will turn to the Lord and share the passion He has given you with others, you will become a greater force for good. And as you better understand your unique purpose in life, it becomes easier to live it… easier to share it… easier to find peace and happiness in the world.<br> </p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-24462201944009142742010-07-12T19:49:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:50:35.498-06:00The hardest puzzle in the world<div class="MsoNormal">Life is great. This week I went to a family reunion, went camping, spent days filling out job applications, and drove for hours and hours. Someday I need to invent a good driving autopilot. But life is still great.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">After Church yesterday, we spent some time with extended family. My uncle had a tower / cube puzzle that was labeled “the hardest puzzle in the world.” Some people, he explained, had proven puzzles like it to be physically impossible, and only a few people had ever solved this one. That was enough to turn on my one-track mind. There’s nothing like a challenge.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The game was called “36 cube” and held an array of 36 squares – 6 by 6. Each spot on the array was a tower base that held a tower of a certain height. In each row and column, there was a base that held a tower that was one square tall, two squares tall, all the way to six. And there were six different colors of towers. The goal was to line up the towers on their respective bases so that every row and column had exactly one tower of each color – sort of like a massive Sudoku puzzle.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I threw myself into solving the problem by moving forward as if it were a Sudoku. After about 15 minutes, I had placed 34 of 36 towers, but the last two towers wouldn’t fit. It wasn’t exactly like a Sudoku. So I looked at the puzzle like a Rubix cube – trying to see if I could manipulate the different towers to get the last two to fit. But for every tower I moved, I had to find new spots for two more… then four… then eight. It definitely wasn’t like a Rubix cube. It didn’t look like any puzzle I had solved before. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I realized that I was at a point where I couldn’t go any further, so I paused to reflect on the things I had learned and tried to determine what I needed to understand in order to solve the puzzle. It was somewhat painful when I decided that I needed to start over, but I really wanted to solve it. So I dumped off all the pieces and simply looked at the board itself.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My uncle had mentioned that some of the towers were different from the others – one had the ability to be placed on multiple sizes of bases. That was interesting, but how could it affect the outcome of the puzzle? And how would <i>one </i>tower affect the entire outcome? I found the tower and placed it on a base, then realized that the puzzle would still be impossible. I had just used a 5-height tower on a 6-height base; I didn’t have enough 6-height bases left. Unless, I thought, there was a piece that would reverse the trick somewhere else. It took me ten minutes to find the other part of the trick. But, with those two pieces set, I played the game like a 6x6 Sudoku puzzle and finished a few minutes later. Puzzle solved.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“The hardest puzzle in the world” is actually pretty similar to the challenges we face in life. Life presents us with massive, complex, overwhelming problems. People around us may claim that it’s impossible to solve the issues we face – that it’s not worth trying to keep the commandments, raise a happy family, or change the world – and, in reality, they are partially correct. By ourselves, it is totally and completely impossible to be truly successful in life, just as it’s impossible to solve a 6x6 latin square. We can try and try, and ultimately there is no simple solution. But when the board is rigged in our favor, then the game changes… and it becomes possible. Possible to have a happy family, overcome our trials and temptations, and to be a force for good in the world. It just takes time to figure out how to solve the seemingly impossible problems… and a willingness to, when necessary, scrap everything and start over.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve got two issues I’m currently trying to solve – finding a job (the same as last week), and determining the next step with a book I’m trying to publish. As far as the first one, thanks for the advice and leads so far. I’m including a copy of my resume attached to this week’s letter. With my book, it’s based on the letters I’ve written over the last few years – Watching Cookies in the Oven. I’m not sure if I just need to find the right publisher, or if it needs to be re-written in some way, or if I need to wait, or if I need to self-publish it… This week I’m planning to talk with some bookstore owners and maybe contact my publisher to see if they can give me some advice. I’ll send a copy of my current manuscript next week; in the meantime, I’d love your thoughts or advice.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Life is truly amazing. You look at it and it seems overwhelming and impossible. And then the Lord, through family, friends, or divine revelation, shows you how you can make the impossible possible. I know that God lives and that He loves us. He gave us this life so that we could solve the hardest things – to find the answers to the impossible questions. My invitation for you this week is to do the seemingly impossible. Look at your life, your work, or your family and identify something that you want to change. Something that seems impossible, challenging, or complex. Turn to the Lord and ask for help… and I know that He will bless you and help you move forward on the path to the best solution. Will it take work? Definitely. Will it be hard? Of course. Might it take a long, long time to figure out? Yes. But it is possible. Then go share the solution with the world. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-84499798923547648132010-07-05T19:48:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:49:43.087-06:00Progressions in Life<div class="MsoNormal">When I was little, I tried to follow the ‘leave no trace’ camping motto of the Boy Scouts. But I mistakenly applied it to the wrong facet of life – social relationships. I was successful, bright, and inquisitive, but I thought that very few people wanted to be my friend. So my goal was to move into and out of people’s lives without leaving a trace. In most situations, leaving no trace wasn’t really possible. And even when it was possible, it wasn’t the right decision. There are countless things I wish I could change about that time. After years of struggling, the Lord helped me lift my sights and switched my relationships motto to reflect (interestingly) the other, newer Boy Scout camping motto – ‘leave each person (campsite) better than you found him.’ In the years since, that has been my goal. It drives everything I do, from choosing a career to writing this letter. And it translates directly into missionary work – helping others to come unto Christ and improve their choices in life. That’s my goal in life – to be a lifelong missionary. With that goal in mind, I thought I had all the pieces put together.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But there is still a piece missing. And this piece, I have just realized, is so important that my eternal progression depends on its successful implementation. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This is hard. I’m trying to articulate, and change, something that has been a part of my life for longer than I can remember, and I’m having trouble pinpointing exactly what it is and how to describe it. It’s the reason that I don’t like answering phones or calling people I haven’t met. It’s the feeling that sometimes makes my stomach drop as I knock on a stranger’s door or even when I push “Send” on this letter. And, at its core, it’s the motivation to not ask for help in my life when I need it even though others are willing and anxious to help me. It’s like trying to put myself on a pedestal – trying to help others solve their problems but never letting them help me solve mine. You can even see it in how I write this letter. I talk about a problem or experience that I’ve had, how I turned to the Lord to solve it, and what you can do to relate it to your life. And there is nothing wrong with that; turning to the Lord to resolve my problems and achieve my goals has taught me important lessons that shape how I view the world today. But the issue is still there. I write Ensign articles instead of letters. There isn’t really a compelling reason to write back, because there are no questions, no problems to solve, no asking for advice. I invite others to be a part of my life and then they find the only open spots are for spectators on the stands. Maybe it’s a form of pride, or an internalized belief that I should be able to handle my own life by myself. I think that sounds pretty accurate. Inside my head, I believe that if I can’t do it by myself, or accomplish it through prayer and fasting, then maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Other people just don’t factor into the equation. For whatever reason, I still hold to a piece of the ‘leave no trace’ mentality. I don’t believe others really want to be involved in the sticky affairs of my life; they have problems of their own and they don’t want or need to worry about mine. They can’t really help me, anyway and, even if they could, they would rather see me optimistic, happy, and shining on a pedestal, right?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Deep down, I know that is completely wrong. At least now I do. Other people <i>do</i> factor into the equation. People want to be involved in my life. Especially when I face sticky problems, they want to be more than just spectators on the stands. My greatest passion in life is mentoring others, helping them overcome problems, and enabling them to achieve their goals. My family and friends share that passion. And I can’t be truly successful in life, become my best self, or achieve my goals without the help of others.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And so here’s the commitment that I’m making… and another part of my heart that I’ll wear on my sleeve. Starting today, the pedestal is gone. Wow. That was hard. I think it will be hard to implement. To me, that means that my beliefs are changing. I no longer believe that I can be totally self-sufficient; instead, I realize that people are an essential part of my life. And, because of that, I need to involve them more in every aspect. My first change: I’ll add another part to this letter each week to make it more like a letter and less like an article – in addition to sharing something I’ve learned, I’ll ask for advice or help on something in my life. I could write about how I don’t want to impose on your life or give you more to worry about, but that would totally defeat the purpose. I need to trust you to make your own decisions. So here it is. The biggest issue I’m facing right now is trying to find a new job. I think I want to find one in the organizational consulting field – maybe working as a lower-level consultant – helping businesses and organizations become more effective and better meet their goals. I just finished updating my resume. The job could be anywhere; location isn’t an issue. Wow. This next part feels a whole lot harder than it should. Who do you know who could help me find a job in that field? Or what advice would you give me?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I think it’s interesting how the Lord guides us individually to do the hardest things for us personally. I started out as a total child hermit, desiring nothing else than to be completely alone without influencing others. I progressed to want to be a missionary – to reach out and change others’ lives and bring them closer to Christ. And, finally (though there is probably another step… and another… that I just don’t see yet), I realize that I need to involve others in my own life. It still terrifies me. But it’s happening. I’m changing and becoming a better person. It has definitely taken me long enough. Each of us has personal progressions in life when we are guided by the Lord. He invites us to change who we are so that we can come closer to Him. And, the most amazing part – He enables us to change. We can change our natures, become new people, and someday, along with the people around us, overcome each of the obstacles that we face. My invitation for you is to turn to the Lord and ask Him for the next step – the next progression in your own life. Turn to Him, and turn to the people around you, and you’ll be blessed. You’ll see your own life change. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-68861431171504942112010-06-28T19:47:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:48:53.973-06:00Finding direction<div class="MsoNormal">Life is good. For some reason, though, this letter has been incredibly difficult to write. Usually, after thinking or writing for a few hours, a certain topic feels right to me each week and I go with it. But I sat down last night and tried to start… only to spend hours staring at the screen with absolutely nothing to show for it. Nothing at all. I tried free writing, where I write everything that comes to my mind, but I ran out of thoughts within a few lines. I tried writing about my experiences, but that didn’t work either. I just sat there… and nothing happened. This has never happened to me; I’ve never felt such a complete lack of direction in my writing. Almost every other week, the topic I should choose is highlighted in my mind and won’t go away until I’ve written about it. But this week I feel totally and completely without direction.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Writing wasn’t working, so I tried taking a nap. I’ve been traveling for the last few days, so maybe my mind needed a rest. But when I woke up half an hour later, my mind made even less sense. I tried talking with family, reading the scriptures, playing the piano, but nothing worked. I finally went to sleep around midnight with less than 200 words written – most of them totally meaningless.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I woke up this morning before 5:00, saw the sun rising, and realized that I needed to write my letter anyway – even if I had no direction. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve done plenty of uplifting and compelling things this week. I flew to Chicago to spend a few weeks with my family on Tuesday. Since then, I’ve driven to Ohio to visit grandparents, taught a friend of my cousins how to swim, spent time with aunts and uncles, driven home in a pounding thunderstorm, attended Church in Chicago, and tried to organize the next steps in my life. But each of those felt like the wrong topic… and the right topic was not readily at hand. So, after struggling for hours, I just started writing about this experience. Midway through the first paragraph, I felt the familiar prompting that always comes when I finally find the right topic for my letter. With that feeling, the letter suddenly unfolded in my mind. I saw parallels to my life and what the Lord was trying to teach me… and realized how I could share that here.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My experience writing this letter is just like my current experience choosing a direction in my life. When I look at the problem at the beginning, it looks like I am on my own – that I’ll have to make the decision myself. I feel totally lost. I try to move in a dozen different directions, but each one feels wrong. And there is no indication that the right way will appear anytime soon. So I flounder. Just as I floundered in beginning this letter. In my mind, I wish that the Lord would just reveal the right way to go. He’s done it before, and that would be so much simpler and faster. I know when He is speaking to me; I’ve heard His voice and I’m used to receiving direction, then acting on it. But, instead, He takes the time to help me learn a vital principle in my life through being silent. As the deadline approaches, I realize that I need to act, with or without direction from the Heavens. I don’t know which direction to go. But that doesn’t mean that I can just stop or forget the commitments that I’ve made. So I move forward, praying that the Lord will help me to do my best. And as I do, He begins to speak to me… and I realize that I have been guided all along. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I began writing this letter, I felt like I was completely on my own. The only thing I had was a list of topics that were <i>not </i>the right ones. I thought I would have to move forward without the help of the Lord. But, in reality, the Lord was helping me – in the same way that He has helped me before. I have a powerful experience and He teaches me principles of the gospel that I can write. The experience just happened to be being lost. My experience this morning will probably be an exact parallel to finding a direction in my life. I’ve felt totally lost and completely alone. The only thing I have is a list of directions that haven’t worked. But the hope inherent in this parallel is that once I finally choose a direction on my own and move forward, I’ll be able to see how the Lord guided me towards that choice all along.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Each of us hits times in life when we wonder what to do and which way to turn. We know that the Lord can guide us, so we turn to Him. But He is silent. Sometimes His silence means we’re not ready for the answers we seek. But sometimes that same silence is accompanied with a sense of urgency, leaving us trapped in the confusing dichotomy of “Wait for my signal. Act now.” It seems impossible to do both. But there is no dichotomy. The Lord is encouraging us, at least for the time at hand, to make our own decisions and to move forward with faith. I think that those times are the hardest (which means I will probably be doomed/blessed to experience them often throughout my life), but they are still surmountable. And He will bless us if we do our best and put our faith in Him. And we will succeed in whatever our endeavor may be. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So that is my invitation to you. Look at your life, and the things with which you’re struggling. Ask the Lord for guidance. If He gives you clear direction, follow it. It not, press forward with faith. As you do, He will guide you even though you cannot yet see His hand. Everything will work out for the best. I know that God loves us and wants to help us learn to live happy, meaningful, successful lives. Press forward with faith, and then go share your faith with the world. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-84577279787717607392010-06-20T19:47:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:47:55.177-06:00Life is amazing.<div class="MsoNormal">Over the past weeks I’ve gotten sporadic requests to make my letters more optimistic and uplifting. Normally I’m a pretty upbeat person, so the comments hit me as strange. Then I looked inside myself to better understand what was happening… and I realized how depressed I truly was. I reread my letters and confirmed what others had said – they could be more uplifting. And so I had some choices to make. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I first started writing each week, there were times when I whitewashed positivism into my letters. I wanted to be a shining, stalwart example of optimism, and I thought the effect would dim if anyone knew that I sometimes struggled in life. I didn’t want to burden anyone reading my letters with more problems than they already had. Then I went to an author’s conference where a presenter spoke about the need for imperfect protagonists in LDS literature. She talked about how readers develop relationships based on how well they relate to individual characters. It was exactly opposite what I had originally thought; instead of needing only perfect or one-sided role models, people relate more easily to those who are authentically like them – imperfect, struggling, but trying to move forward in life. As she spoke, I saw immediate parallels to my weekly letter. It made sense. After pondering for a few weeks, I made the jump from trying to be on a pedestal to simply sharing about my life. I decided that my letters would be reflections of my reality. And, as time has passed, I’ve seen that being real has sometimes affected more lives (if you count email replies as affecting lives) than simply saying life is good.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But depressing letters, while they may be good sometimes, get depressing if you read them week after week. So, in addressing my optimism problem, if I wanted to be honest, I had two choices. I could either continue to write depressing letters or change my life. I decided to change my life. And the results are crazy. Who would have thought? I quit my job, have no one to date, have no car (since mine died for the umpteenth time), and can’t find a clear direction in life. And yet life is amazing. Really. For the first time in months I feel like I am going in the right direction, even though I don’t know what direction that is. Life is suddenly more meaningful and more fulfilling. I walk outside and find peace in sweeping a dirt pathway under the rose arbor. I swim with cousins and teach them 14 different ways to splash, then laugh as they forget all but one. I do pushups while listening to talks from General Conference and everything just seems to fall into place. It will all work out. Life is amazing.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Of course, there are still downsides. Wednesday was my last day at work, and while it was the right decision to leave, leaving was hard. Today was my last day in my most recent ward. I was here for 5 or 6 weeks – long enough to give a talk (that happened today) and only begin to make friends. But I’ve decided to look at life right now as an adventure waiting to unfold… instead of a horror story where awful things wait just around the corner. Again, life is amazing.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Since Wednesday, I’ve been trying to determine what type of projects to work on in the short term – while I’m with family for the next month and looking for a new job. I also need to at least try to make some long-term plans. So I spent Thursday and Friday beginning to organize all the potential directions I could go in life. I like to create massive bulleted lists for projects like this; each bullet covers a different topic. I started listing the names and status of every project I’ve begun in the last three years, including what would need to happen next to move them along. There are unfinished novels and polished manuscripts, ways to change the world or simply become a better person, passing fancies and lifelong dreams. After hours of outlining unfinished projects I felt better, but I wasn’t much closer to determining a good direction for the short or long term. I think I may work on some of my books again. We’ll see what happens.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Life is amazing. But it doesn’t always seem to be. Each of us faces struggles in life. Sometimes the key to realizing life’s beauty is in simply changing our attitude – looking at life through a different lens. And sometimes the key is changing our lives. Ultimately, both will be required. We need to have an optimistic perspective to lift our sights towards Heaven. But we also need to change our lives so that we can actually get there someday. I know that it’s possible. It will probably be the hardest thing we ever do. But it’s possible… and it’s worth it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I know that God lives, and that He loves us. Each of our lives is uniquely designed to enable us to be happy – to come closer to Him. If you think that life is amazing, and your actions align with what is good, then you’re probably on the right track. If not, then I invite you to make a change. Maybe you just need to wear rose-colored glasses so that you can see the world for it truly is. Maybe you need to make changes so that you can find more meaning in life. Maybe some of both. But as you do, I promise that the Lord will bless you. It will work, and you will come closer to Him. Then go share it with the world. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-23136448382452877962010-06-14T19:45:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:47:06.328-06:00Navigating the Crossroads in Life<div class="MsoNormal">Nutritional yeast can be used as a cheese substitute in some vegan recipes. It tastes sort of like Swiss cheese in some recipes. That is a complete tangent to the rest of my letter, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">On Tuesday I decided to quit my job at the MTC. I haven’t felt very useful in a while, and the cultural change that would need to happen to address the issue is probably not in the immediate future. The decision came with so much peace that I finally realized how much work has been taking a toll on my life. It was probably the main contributor to my distress. My last day is this Wednesday, since the MTC doesn’t follow a two-week notice program – all positions are at-will. There are tons of things I’ll miss about my job – the physical perks like a parking pass or being able to use the library and other BYU facilities were nice, but I’ll miss the people and the environment most. My bosses, coworkers, people I’ve met in other departments, and the missionaries… I’ll miss dressing up in a white shirt and tie to go to work each day, wearing a white nametag, and having doctrinal discussions as part of a day’s work.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The only potential problem is that I have no idea where I’m going next in the workplace. I know that quitting, now, is the right decision… but I’m not ‘moving on’ to a bigger and better job (at least that I can see). Which means that I am dealing with a new kind of stress – the stress that comes from having faith and moving forward without being able to see the end from the beginning. And deciding to quit work <i>was</i> only the beginning.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Wednesday I started wondering what to do right after I finished my job. Should I scramble to find another one? Or work methodically so that all the pieces can fall into place? Or do something else entirely? I started identifying my obligations, and realized that they had been slowly disappearing. Grandma died last fall: I don’t have anyone to take care of here in Utah. I’m not in an apartment: I have no financial obligations here. My teaching job ended with the school year, and I’m leaving the MTC: I have no work obligations. I’ve moved wards so many times in the recent past that I don’t have any assignments at all except speaking this next Sunday: I have no Church obligations. The only sticky issue was dating – I’ve been dating a girl here. But that unstuck itself by Saturday. Saturday the girl I’ve been dating told me she had fallen in love with someone else. And that, along with jobs, housing, and everything else, has officially erased all of my obligations that tie me here to Utah at present… which makes me free to go wherever or do whatever. Or just lost.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I live by my responsibilities. One of my life mottos is to make commitments higher than I can reach, then ask for divine help and stretch to reach them every day. I wish I could see into the future – to see what the next step entails in my life – and then to move forward to take it. But I’ve learned that one of the traits the Lord wants to teach me is faith. Especially in uncertainty. I know that God is involved in my life, that He loves me, and that I’m doing the right things. That means that I can have faith – faith that He will guide me and help me to find whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing next. Some days I try to convince myself that I’m on an exciting adventure to discover another facet to my purpose in life. In reality, I feel like I’m walking through a mist of darkness… holding a hand of someone I can’t see. When I think about the darkness, I feel lost. But when I close my eyes, block out the fear, and just follow, I know that everything will be for my good. It makes me think of a dance. I know all the steps. I just need to listen, feel, and follow.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">For the immediate future, I’m planning to go to Chicago for a few weeks. It has been years since I spent more than a few days at home with my family. And since I have lots of little brothers and sisters, I want to be more involved in their lives than a letter and the occasional phone call. It will also give me a buffer zone while I discover the next step in my life. Potential directions for that life? Right now I’m mostly lost, in everything from girls to work to living. But that doesn’t mean I should just pull over to the side of the road and stop. The Lord is willing to guide me most when I make my own decisions and go for them, and then listen to the course corrections that He gives me. You can’t steer a parked car. And so this is the direction I’m thinking. For work: one of my passions is making things better… so the two possible directions I have are (1) making people better – teaching seminars on personal skills, being a motivational speaker, or something similar, and (2) making organizations better – business consulting or something similar. Each of those fits the second criterion I have – I want to be involved in a profession that is constantly changing, whether working on new projects or with new people. That way I can use and develop different skills as time goes on. For dating: um… just going on dates. My only stipulation on that aspect: I’m looking for someone who values applying correct principles above all else – someone who is anxious to change <i>everything</i> in her life so that it fits with the things she learns that are true. Instead of the usual response of, “I could never do that,” to hard things, I want to find someone who says, “I can do that. It will be hard, but I can do it.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">That’s what I’m trying to say to myself. I can do this. It will be hard, but I can do it. Suddenly I see an interesting parallel in my life to what is happening now. Since I was little, I have always easily gotten lost – geographically. I can look at a map, choose my course, and go in exactly the wrong direction. And that’s what I did for years and years. In the beginning, I was really frustrated with myself. I’m a smart kid – I should be able to tell directions from a map. And if you quizzed me on the directions, I could give them back to you verbatim. But I still got lost. As time went on, I realized that getting lost wasn’t such a bad thing. It was still somewhat unnerving, but I always found myself eventually… and once I got lost in an environment, I rarely got lost there again. The most important thing – when I was lost and trying to find my way, I turned to the Lord and followed Him. There have been so many times when I’ve been driving and the Lord has been the only way that I arrived to my destination. Turn left here. Turn right here. Because I don’t know exactly where I am going, I am more willing to follow the promptings that come from Him. It’s the same thing in my life. For most of my life, I’ve tried to map out my course and follow it exactly. I’ve always felt uneasy at the crossroads; I’m afraid of making the wrong decisions and then scarring my life for eternity. And I get lost, often. I guess the Lord knows me best, then, when He simply asks me to follow Him. In that respect, being surrounded by the darkness of uncertainty is a blessing. I can’t see that there are 50 different ways to turn at this intersection… I only know that the Lord wants me to follow Him. I can’t see the waves that are crashing all around me if I’m walking on the water; I can’t see the perils to my right and to my left as I walk along the mountainside. But as long as I move forward in faith, following the way I know to be right, it will all work out for the best.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Each of us approaches the crossroads of life differently. Sometimes we have it mapped out for as far as the mind can reach, and when we arrive, it is as simple as putting those decisions into place. Other times, the Lord has higher roads for us to follow… and though we feel lost, He is willing to guide us to our destination. In that respect, it’s ok to be lost… as long as we know which way to go right now. I know that He is watching us. He is willing to give us guidance in the very moment that we need it – sort of like the GPS system that helps me not get lost most of the time. And if we turn to Him, He will guide us. Your invitation this week? Map out your life. Move forward. And turn to the Lord when He calls. Life is amazing – go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-53806183801965794852010-06-06T19:45:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:45:51.924-06:00What more should I be doing?<div class="MsoNormal">When I read a compelling book. When I listen to an inspiring story of how a life was changed. When I sing in a recording studio. When I teach someone who truly wants to learn. When I write this letter. When I perform in a choir. When I speak or sing or act in front of people. When I write poetry. When I sit outside and watch the sky. When I walk in the rain. When I listen to the wind. When I pray. When I study the scriptures and let them enter my heart. When I worship in the temple. When I learn things I can use and teach others. When I hold a sleeping child. When I sing along with the radio. When I play the piano. When I garden or organize food storage. When I make healthy food to share. When I just talk with the people around me… </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I feel at home.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Again I’m trying to find it. “It” being the pathway that will enable me to feel uplifted, inspired, and motivated each moment in my life. Specifically, I want to know what I can do to influence the world to be a better place, how I can be a part of the beauty that surrounds me. The search, as usual, follows a familiar pattern. It starts with seeing or hearing or experiencing something beautiful… and then is followed by the thought, “So, what more should I doing?” As soon as I finish reading an inspiring book, recording a song, or teaching people around me, I wonder what more I should be doing to change the world. This week was the last week of a class I taught. I recorded a song for a friend. And I don’t feel particularly useful at work. So there was plenty of motivation to think about how to be more useful. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I can postpone the question “How am I accomplishing my goals?” if I think of the things I just finished doing (and claim that I am on a temporary vacation), but postponing it when I know I need to address it is never worthwhile. One day was too long. Friday morning I woke up and my unanswered question had spawned a much-too-familiar feeling – absolute dejection. It’s a suffocating feeling that fills me with dread… as if everything worthwhile in the world is being wasted, and I can’t stop it, and it’s my fault. The thoughts in my head tried to convince me that I would never be worthwhile, my dreams would never come true, and I would never have a family or find a profession I could truly enjoy. All I wanted to do was roll up into a ball and cry. Not really the best way to start out your day.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Over the years, I’ve learned that everything in my life is designed to help me move forward. For whatever reason, whether it comes from being too idealistic, making way too many mistakes in life, chemical imbalances in my brain, or whatever, some days I wake up with a feeling that saps my strength and devours my will. It, too, helps me move forward. Either that or be crushed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Life has helped me develop a strong sense of independence. On the good side, I’ve never had to rely on others for my sense of worth. If I’m happy, the world united can’t pull me down. On the flip side, if I am struggling and everyone in the world lines up to tell me I’m worthwhile… it might not help. Why? In both cases, no one completely understands me or knows who I am. While we can get close, it’s impossible for another person to fully understand your deepest thoughts, your past, your hopes and fears and dreams. And so the only person who can tell me I’m worthwhile is me… and, since He knows me completely, my God.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I relied on others for self-esteem, my esteem required two things – (1) a belief that others understood me (the level of understanding required depended on the level of my independence) and could make accurate judgments of who I was and (2) their judgment (whether fan mail or heartfelt thanks) that I was doing something good. Regaining self-esteem from God requires those same steps. First, I need to have a knowledge of God – that He is, that He knows me, that He loves me, and that He is actively involved in my life. Second, I need to know that what I am doing in my life, right now, is in accordance with His will. Over the years, as my relationship with Him has matured, my knowledge of God has become more sure. Today, I know that God is. I know that He knows me completely, that He loves me, and that He has always been and will always be actively involved in my life. And so the question that I asked Friday morning was, “Am I doing what I should be doing? Am I on the right path?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Understanding those steps and finding those questions was not easy. There have been times in my life when, for weeks at a time, I wondered if I would ever feel worthwhile. It’s easy to be confident, assertive, and everything else around other people… but inside I felt like I was dying. I would play the piano, listen to music, give service, exercise, eat healthily, talk with friends, spend time with family, study, date, read the scriptures, worship in the temple, and work on a hundred different projects at once – just so that I had no time to think about myself. And then I would go home and cry. Finally I realized that the only way to re-find myself was turning to God, and I spent the weeks engaged in prayer, studying the scriptures, fasting, and anything else to feel worthwhile.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Thankfully, the process that once took weeks to complete has shortened. I know that God knows me, loves me, and is involved in my life. And as soon as I asked if my actions were in line with His will on Friday morning, He answered. I’m a good kid. My heart is in the right place, and I’m not doing anything absolutely terrible right now. I’m doing a lot of good things and making a difference in the world. I’m worthwhile. Within a few minutes I was ready to move forward. But there was one last part of the response. I can do better – much better. And that leads me to the first question I asked in this letter – “What more should I be doing?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Am I any closer to knowing the answer? I still have no clue what I’ll be doing if I ever grow up. Maybe a public speaker. Maybe a tour guide. Maybe a studio musician. I don’t even know what kind of job I’m looking for to replace the one I have at the Missionary Training Center. I’ll spend a few hours tonight thinking about that. But I do know one thing – if I put the Lord first in my life, everything else will fall into place or disappear. And that’s good enough.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Hopefully everyone doesn’t understand what it means to wake up one day completely devoid of self-esteem. But we all struggle in life. We don’t know if our dreams will come true. We should work for our own success and be optimistic. But when the odds seem stacked against us and we lose our vision, I know the Lord is still at our side. And having faith in Him – faith that He will fulfill His promises – can help us overcome anything in our way. I invite you to build your own faith. Ask the same questions I have. He answered me; He will answer you. And once you know that God is, that He loves you, that He is involved in your life, and that your life is in accordance with His will, then nothing else matters. Go share the knowledge with the world – go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-44623333784104357872010-05-31T19:43:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:45:01.212-06:00Finding purpose in the past... and moving forward<div class="MsoNormal">This week was still rough… but I had a better perspective. So it wasn’t nearly as bad as last week. Monday the Lord answered my prayers for a massive storm. I had prayed last Thursday for a storm… and, in my mind, asked for one big enough that the leaves and perhaps branches would fall of the trees. I was envisioning the massive windy thunderstorms of the Midwest – I feel safer and more loved in the middle of a thunderstorm than almost anywhere else. I know it’s strange to you. But not to me. It had rained the days prior, and leaves had fallen off of some of the trees, but on Monday we had a massive, wet snowstorm. Inches of snow piled up on the roads, cars, trees, and buildings. And, as I drove into Provo, I saw and heard branches cracking and breaking – falling off of trees that, the day before, had looked amazing. Road cleanup crews had truck beds full of tree branches… and there were definitely plenty of leaves that had been stripped from the trees as well. As I looked around me, I felt a wave of awe. The Lord had answered my prayer. Looking back, I’m not sure if the Lord told me what to pray for, or if He simply answered the desires of my heart. I’m not sure that there is much of a difference. Either way, I knew that He loved me and was willing to show it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The storm wasn’t without its down spots, though. Along with breaking thousands of tree branches, the thick slush clogged the drain outside our storage unit. I hadn’t been there for weeks, but went on Monday to search for a library book. As I entered, my heart sank in the half inch of water that lay on the ground. Everything was sopping wet. I just left. The reason why I put my stuff in a storage unit was to keep it safe and ensure that I would never have to move it until I found a more permanent home for it. Thankfully, when I came back Tuesday, most of the water was dried up (whether from the company or draining or evaporation I don’t know). I pulled out my sopping library books and returned them to the library. Thankfully BYU has a book restoration department.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The rest of the week was up and down. Monday I recorded a song with a friend from the MTC; it’s based on a talk that Elder Holland gave in General Conference and he’d like to give it to Elder Holland next month. We had recorded it once as a gospel/country song and the feedback from others was to make it more like a hymn. It sounds much more like a hymn now. Wednesday I picked up my car – the coolant thermostat, which activates the radiator fans, had gone out. But, later that day, the “Service Engine Soon” light came back on. I got the code checked – “System too lean.” It’s either a broken oxygen sensor, a clogged fuel filter, or something else. I’m going to try to replace the mass air flow sensor since that seems to be a problem with my car from online forums… and since right now my car won’t even start. And I don’t feel very useful at work. My bosses like having me in the office so that if something goes wrong or comes up, I can do it. One of them called me a ‘security blanket’ for the team. That’s sort of how I feel – when you’re cold, I’m really good at fixing the problem. Otherwise, I have very little to do that seems meaningful.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And then Sunday rolled around, with Church, choir, and the Lord yet again helping me to feel His love. I don’t know how to accurately express the feelings I have right now. Maybe a mix of awe, frustration, sorrow, faith, joy, and peace. Driving home I watched the sun go down along the mountains… and it was beautiful. I knew that God loved me. It was one of those moments where I remembered that I am a child of God – and that God created this world to enable me to come closer to Him. But it went further. I looked out the window and wondered if I needed to change my job so that I could spend more time outside among God’s creations. Should I travel to the far reaches of the earth to see the amazing things created by men and by God? Or should I stay close to home and try to recreate the beauty I see to share with others? But how could I ever create something beautiful when compared to the stars, the mountains, the sunrise, or the sunset?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I probably won’t become a park ranger, a landscape photographer, a geologist, or a hiking guide. But, nonetheless, the experience, as most do, pushed me to wonder what I could do better. Ultimately, most of my spiritual experiences lead back to the same prayer – the prayer that has been mine for longer than I can remember. What should I be doing in life? Am I going in the right direction? And, if not, which direction should I go? Sometimes I can already see the Lord’s hand actively in my life. I can see how the people around me, or the things I am doing, will help further His work in some way. But, most days, I look at the wealth of things He has given me and wonder. What on earth (literally) am I supposed to be doing here? A dozen BYU students were named National Science Foundation fellows shortly after graduation. Had I followed the route to physics research, that could have been me. Or so many other things. I just want to be doing the best things I can – not just the good things, but the best ones. But what are the best things in my life?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I know the answer to my question. The Lord has answered it at least a gazillion times – in my patriarchal blessing, in dreams, in the temple, and in conversations with complete strangers. A central reason to why I have my talents, my knowledge, my trials, and why I’ve been placed here at this time, is so that I can be a missionary. Every experience, every talent, every circumstance prepares and enables me to be a better missionary. And that’s the key to finding my purpose in life. Whether in my family as a father (someday), in the Church, or in the world, that’s where my happiness lies – in serving others, sharing the principles of the gospel with them, and helping them come unto Christ.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So I guess the prayer I pray isn’t really “what should I be doing?” – it’s “how should I be doing it?” And I know the answer to that one, too… Follow the guidance of the Spirit. That’s how you best do missionary work, how you are best able to meet the needs of others. That is the crazy frustrating part. I sometimes wish there were a formula I could follow to better meet my purpose in life and be a better missionary – something concrete so that I could chart my progress and work on its development. That’s actually probably why the Lord has me working at the MTC right now. We’re writing a curriculum to help missionaries be better missionaries, and I see parallels in my life and the things I need to do. I have personal experience wrestling with it on a day-to-day basis. Yes, there are some things that will work for some people in missionary work – hence why I write, sing… but, in most cases, you have to rely on the Spirit and follow its promptings to meet the needs of the people around you. Some days I wish my sole purpose in life consisted in accounting. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I guess it ends up being a prayer for faith – faith that the Lord will help me to accomplish His will, faith that He will help me know His will, faith to move forward. And so, dear Lord, help me have faith.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’m not really sure if my life and struggles are normal. I guess no one is really normal – we are each different. Each of us has a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven… and He has designed life such that we can come closer to Him. And as we come closer to Him, He helps us realize and fulfill our purposes in life. This week, amid the stress of everyday life, the festivities of Memorial Day, working in the garden, and preparing for summer, I invite you to take time to remember the blessings the Lord has given you and to speak with Him. There is no formula that will tell you what is most important in life – but the Lord will tell you (at least, partially) if you ask Him. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-38690209366008037432010-05-23T19:43:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:43:54.218-06:00Rough roads... with the Lord at my side<div class="MsoNormal">The Lord definitely knew what He was doing when He encouraged me to focus on the little things this week. They were the only things stable in what felt like a massive tumult in every aspect of my life. I still have so much to learn.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">During a lesson on Tuesday, I listened to a missionary relate his own recent conversion experience. He had been into drugs, alcohol, and didn't really care about anything else…until he read a letter that his friend’s sister had written from her mission. He went home, knelt down, and prayed to know if he should serve a mission... and felt God's love for him and the knowledge that he needed to serve. He talked to his bishop the next day and began the process. As I listened to that missionary and for the rest of the day, I wondered about my own place in the Lord's work. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm at the front of the war and I wonder if my efforts really make a difference in the tides of battle. Will a lesson I write really influence missionaries to better help others change their lives and come unto Christ? And where could my talents best be used? That is one of my main purposes in life - to help others around me come closer to Christ... and even after serving a mission and writing curriculum for the MTC, I struggle to understand how to accomplish it myself.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Thursday was rough. At the beginning of the day I taught a lesson I've taught half a dozen times, and each time the experience has been incredible. I had prayed, gone to the temple, and done everything I knew how to prepare for the lesson, and Thursday's lesson was amazing. During and after the lesson, the missionaries shared how it helped them in accomplishing their purpose in their work. The people observing who were in the classroom for the entire lesson had a similar experience. I left the lesson walking on air, happy to have been able to make a small difference in their lives.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Moments after the lesson finished, I walked into my boss's office to see if she had observed behind the glass and to let her know how it had gone. She mentioned that there had been a lot of feedback on the lesson and was just finishing with the re-write. That began the shock. Normally feedback that ends in rewrites comes from lessons that struggle, not ones that seem to go off without a hitch. As I sat quietly in her office, she related comments from a dozen different people who had observed for a few minutes behind the one-way glass, each of which criticized, not the lesson itself, but the concept behind it. One after one, while the lesson was still going on and without seeing it in its entirety, people gave her feedback to change the scope and direction of the lesson. And enough had given her feedback that she had re-written the lesson. Not completely, but almost everything was totally different, and the central activity was totally scrapped. I thought about quitting my job. I have strong feelings for this lesson, not only because I wrote it, tested it, and taught it, but because of how it affects missionaries. I could easily go to all the missionaries who ever had the lesson, ask them to relate their experiences, and get 100% to tell me it had changed their outlook on missionary work and the influence of the Spirit on the work. I know because I have asked. She explained that those giving feedback had the responsibility to eventually implement the lessons, so we needed to follow their direction. And, even if missionaries had sublime experiences that changed their lives, it wouldn't matter. Their minds were set and the rewrite was done; the lesson was scrapped. Thankfully, it was Thursday and I had a good excuse to leave shortly thereafter to go teach in Draper. I kept the tears back until I made it to the parking lot, then let myself cry during my commute. The only way I can accurately describe the feeling I had was one of utter shock and total confusion. So I prayed for rain.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">If Thursday was rough, Friday was even worse. I had an immense desire to be on a team for our upcoming test. When I learned that one of our part-time employees had been chosen when the manager of training declined, I was heartbroken. Worse than heartbroken, I soon felt awful thoughts welling up inside of me. Why had I been passed over? Didn't I work incredibly hard - longer and more skillfully than anyone else? Didn't I know the lessons better than anyone since I had edited each one? Didn't I understand the perspective and context of the project from being on the team for over a year? Again, I thought about quitting. After a few seconds, I shut off the pain and jealousy and sat staring blankly at the floor. I was on the verge of tears, but this time it was from seeing my own flaws. For years I've tried to rid myself of the feeling of entitlement. Realizing that it was still there inside of me made me want to just give up and go home. I spent the remainder of the day working, worked out at the gym, was utterly exhausted, and went home.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Saturday I did almost nothing of value. My brain and body were still in shock. As I played chauffeur that evening, I realized how bad a state I was in, and why it felt like the world was falling apart around me. I was freezing (which meant that I had a burning fever; I'm never cold otherwise), my head hurt (another sure sign of sickness), and my mind wasn't working. I needed to return a DVD and went 50 blocks in the wrong direction before realizing I was lost. It didn't help that my phone wouldn't work for most of the day and my car began to overheat after only a few miles of driving. I went home, waited for the car to cool down, and drove 50 blocks the other way to make the return, praying that I would be able to make it home safely. I'm not completely sure what is wrong - I think that the fans on the radiator may not be working. The coolant is heating up, but not cooling down. Either way, I need to get it fixed before I can drive my car any appreciable distance, which may preclude going to work tomorrow until at least the afternoon. I went to sleep with two blankets and woke up a few hours later when my fever broke.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But even with the world falling apart around me, even with my body fighting off sickness and my mind fighting off depression, I was buoyed up by the little things in life. Daily scripture study helped me receive personal revelation. Daily prayer helped me know God’s plans for me. Exercising kept me mostly sane, and eating healthily certainly had helped my body in doing what it needs to do to keep me well. And Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, it rained – the answer to my prayer for rain and the voice of the Lord speaking to me… assuring me that He loves me, is aware of my problems, and is actively involved in my life. I can’t say that I feel great right now, in body, mind, or spirit. But I know that God loves me, cares about me, and has my best interests at heart, and I know that I am doing what I should be doing. In due time, He will help me see how my experiences can help me progress and come closer to Christ.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Each of us struggles in life. There are times when everything we care about seems to fall apart… and the world is on our shoulders. At those times, we can turn to the Lord and, while He may not lift our burdens, He will let us know that He is there and that He cares. If we continue to turn to Him, He will make us stronger and more able to bear the burdens that shall be placed upon us and help us learn to be happy in the process. When life is hard, turn to Him, and He will bless you with the perspective, faith, and strength to carry on. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-28971745612490897622010-05-16T19:42:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:43:05.619-06:00Working too hard... Focusing on the simple things<div class="MsoNormal">The Lord told me I’ve been working too hard. That was an interesting conversation. I was just pondering how tired I was as I drove out of the MTC, and He suggested that I take two weeks off and go to Hawaii. It was definitely His voice, but I’m sure it was a joke – while for most people Hawaii would be paradise, the Lord knows as well as I do that a vacation to Hawaii wouldn’t help with my problem. If it really is a problem. That’s still up for grabs. So here’s the deal: my enjoyment in life comes from working towards my goals… drawing closer to the things that are important to me. My favorite thing to do in life, the thing that renews me, fills me with passion and joy, and makes me wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, is to be productive, and to help others do the same. To learn new things, and help others do the same. To make good choices and help others do the same. And that’s all. That’s why work this last week was amazing; I had an important editing project that only I could do that consumed all my time and people constantly asked me to help them with other things. When I’m not productive, I am absolutely miserable, dejected, and depressed. It’s not just who I am – it’s what I’ve believed for as long as I can remember. Moving on the path towards salvation brings happiness. Anything else is miserable. In my mind, it goes further than that – happiness is also related to what the Lord has given you and how you are using it. If you are blessed with a little, then moving forward a little will bring you joy. But if you are blessed with a lot, and as you grow and gain more knowledge and develop more talents, you need to move faster and accomplish more to achieve your full measure of happiness… which grows with your knowledge and ability to do good. Actually discussing <i>that</i> in depth opens a whole new can of worms (doing the best things versus being constantly busy), and I feel like I’ve already been down that road. Everything I do, I do for a reason – to come closer to Christ… and the Lord wasn’t telling me that I needed to reprioritize everything in my life, just that I needed to take more leisure time. More won’t be hard, since I haven’t really allowed myself true leisure time in a long time. I wake up early in the morning, go to work, fill my day with meaningful activities, and fall asleep exhausted, until the next day when it happens again. What He meant was that I need to gain a testimony of leisure time – better understand how to integrate more activities into my life that move me towards my goals but aren’t as stressful as the ones I currently pursue. That sounds ironic… but, then again, I’m only recently realizing what it means to work too hard. So maybe I should take a vacation to Hawaii.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In the aftermath of that revelation, I’ve been wondering exactly what the Lord wants me to do. In the last few months, I’ve felt like I need to be on the lookout for a new job, keep applying to graduate schools, look for an eternal companion, and work on a dozen other projects to share the gospel, improve my talents, and bless the world around me. If I really am working too hard, then I need to change my focus to better align with what the Lord wants me to accomplish. And so I was wondering what the Lord <i>really </i>wants me to do – what I should focus on first, second, and so on. Our subsequent conversation was telling. And the music that just began playing on Utah’s FM 100.3 is telling, as well – “Great Things and Small Things” from the Cumorah’s Hill cantata. The song talks of the things that the Lord asked prophets to accomplish – building an ark, moving mountains, crossing the ocean… and the things that He asks us to do – to love our neighbors, to forgive, to keep our promises. “…and from the small things come the greatest things of all.” The Lord asked me to focus on two things: ensure that I make time for my daily spiritual wellbeing through scripture study, prayer, pondering, and regular temple worship, and time for my physical wellbeing through exercise, sleep, and eating healthily. That’s what He wants me to focus on first. And I can do that.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I think that sometimes I am guilty of the desire of Naaman, who wanted the prophet to call down fire from heaven to heal him of leprosy instead of having him wash in the river. Sometimes I want the Lord to command me to do some great thing to accomplish His will. Sometimes He has. But the Lord doesn’t usually act in great and magnificent ways; instead, He blesses me with new days where I do the same things… with small changes. And, in changing little pieces of my life, I change who I am. I read the Book of Mormon and come closer to God. I pray, and find that the Lord speaks to me and answers my prayers. I ponder, and I learn and apply the lessons that He teaches me.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Each of us has the same predicament in life as I faced this last week. We want to do what is right – to make the best choices in life and come closer to Christ. But sometimes we don’t realize how far we are from truly realizing what the best choices are. We think we need to have a clean house, a better job, and more money in the bank, when, in reality, we would be happier simply doing the little things that the Lord has suggested all along. My project this next week is to focus on the simple things: physical and spiritual health every day. Yes, sometimes the Lord calls us to do amazing things – to heal the sick, to change hearts, to fill callings, to make a difference in the world. But, more often, He calls us to simply move forward in faith… to become better each passing day and to lift those around us in the same pursuit. I invite you to do the same – to become better in the simple things. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-31251770076831682402010-05-10T19:41:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:42:14.516-06:00Life is amazing. Sort of. Yeah.<div class="MsoNormal">Happy Mother’s Day! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Some days I wish I could paint a perfect picture of my life in this letter – recount only peaceful, happy moments, share unending optimism, and talk about how life is amazing. More often than not, though, I realize that my thoughts are spinning in a dozen directions as I write. And being truly honest requires more than just highlighting what went well in my life. This is one of those weeks – a week where, on the surface, everything seems to have gone according to plan. Our project deadline is only a few weeks away at the MTC, which means plenty of work; the class I teach is going well and my students love every moment of it; the rest of my life is panning out in the right direction. But, beneath the surface, everything is in turmoil. And sometimes I feel totally and helplessly lost.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Take my work at the MTC, for instance. Over the last few weeks I’ve felt my love for my work slowly wane. A year ago I was willing to do anything to work at the MTC and make a difference in the missionary education effort. I was a volunteer for months and happy to do what I could. And, even when work was rough or tedious, the Lord helped me to see relevance in the things I did and motivated me to do better. Now every time I think about the MTC I get the feeling that I need to find a new job. I’ve prayed for the ability to love my work, to see relevance in my assignments, and for patience and long-suffering. The only answer I’ve received of late is more of the same: an overwhelming desire to leave.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The feeling that I should leave isn’t the bad thing. The department wouldn’t really suffer from my absence and filling my spot would be pretty easy. And since the Lord prompted me to start working there, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go in a different direction until He gave the go-ahead. Knowing where to go is the problem. Not for lack of trying to find the right direction (at least, I don’t think so). I’ve been rejected from every graduate program to which I’ve applied and a handful of jobs that I thought might be in the right general area. And while my conversations with the Lord have been helpful, I seem to be taking a very long time to get the big picture. I mean, I’m 24, a university graduate with honors and credits in almost every discipline, I’ve tried out a dozen different professions that were once my “dream jobs”… and yet I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. So the feeling that I should find a new job, without knowing which way to go, leaves me with two options: feel completely lost and totally vulnerable, or rely on the Lord, put my trust in Him, and move forward with faith. There is only one right choice. But that doesn’t make it any easier.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Then take housing. I was living in Orem, working in Provo and Sandy. When we moved all our stuff into a storage unit, I thought it would just be simple enough to live out of my car. I could exercise & shower each morning on campus, eat at the MTC cafeteria (amazing food and really low prices), and spend my time with people instead of with an apartment. It would also give me another perspective on life, save money, and be a lot less stressful than having to move multiple more times. And when I took it to the Lord, I felt okay about it. I was actually excited to see what effect it would have. And it worked perfectly for a few days – I was back in an exercise routine and spent all my time during the day engaged in productive activities. It seemed perfect. Then circumstances changed and I’m living in West Jordan with family. And while being with family is amazing, the extra 45-minute commute immediately eliminated my morning exercise time. It also makes it hard to do things late in the evening, since I don’t want to be exhausted as I drive back… or not get enough sleep before going to work the next morning. I guess, again, I have two options: feel frustrated with the few options I seem to have been given, or rely on the Lord, put my trust in Him, and move forward with faith. Again, there’s only one right choice. And, while it will still be hard, just writing about it makes it seem easier to accomplish.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And, to be truthful, my life is actually pretty amazing. In the workplace, I’ve felt guided recently to look in the direction of helping people make better decisions, finding ways to improve processes, and identifying key ideas to champion in organizations. Ironically, it’s a mix between business consulting and motivational speaking – the first of which I thought would never be up my alley. But it feels like the right direction. At the moment I was struggling to figure out <i>how </i>to go about moving towards that goal, my parents offered, out of the blue, to make some contacts to get me started. Wow. Doors opening already. I should have guessed – the only way I’ve ever gotten a job was from a face-to-face conversation. Paper applications just don’t seem to work for me. And my housing crisis isn’t really a crisis – I love the opportunity to spend time with cousins and be a part of their lives… and I think that time is worth more than it is costing me right now.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Each of us faces major decisions each day. Sometimes it is easy to be optimistic, happy, and see the blessings that the Lord has given us; other times, it seems that the deck is stacked against us, willing us to fail or at least be miserable. But I have a testimony that, even when life seems rough and you feel lost, the Lord can be there at your side guiding you, leading you, inspiring you, and helping you to see His hand in all things. He loves you and wants you to be happy. In fact, He gave you every part of your life (even the awful parts) to enable you to learn to be happy – that’s one of the purposes in life. Look to Him, and you’ll realize that life is full of peaceful, happy moments amidst the turmoil of confusion. With the Spirit at your side, you can be eternally optimistic as you identify what the Lord is trying to teach you today. I invite you to identify the hardest thing you are facing – the most painful, difficult, awful, or heartrending… and ask the Lord sincerely to help you see His hand. I promise (from personal experience) that He will bless you with inspired wisdom and perspective. And you’ll see that life really is amazing. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-83948723481906371822010-05-03T19:40:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:41:21.755-06:00Coming Closer to Christ<div class="MsoNormal">Wow. This week has gone by in a blur. Our projects at the MTC are getting closer and closer to their deadlines; as we get closer, my boss gets more and more stressed. She’s already been sick twice and was out again for a few days this week. I hope that she gets better. I also hope that, when my life is super-super-stressed, I’m able to deal with it without sacrificing my health.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I was thinking a lot this week about proximity. It’s also called propinquity – the science of ‘closeness.’ I’ve studied propinquity before – people who live in the same area, around the same time, with similar ages are tons more likely to get married than those who live in different countries or those who are separated by more than a few years, simply because of how close they are. In my human resources class, we discussed how other nonhuman factors in the environment affect what we do, sometimes without our knowing. People who eat from a gallon-size bowl of Chex mix eat almost twice as much as those who serve themselves from a half-gallon-size bowl. People at the movies, even when the popcorn is totally stale, eat much more popcorn with a mega-size popcorn container. You eat significantly more when your plate is larger (and yet with a smaller plate you still “feel full” after eating). Placing food within arm reach makes it almost inevitable that the food will be eaten (whether a bowl of candy or a tray of vegetables), while putting it in a closed, metal tin on the bottom shelf of the fridge decreases the likelihood that anyone will even look at it. But it goes beyond food – people who have adjoining offices collaborate more, people who live next to each other are more likely to become friends, and families who eat dinner together (and hence experience physical propinquity on a regular basis) have fewer problems and their children are less likely to drink or do drugs.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Most of these things seem obvious. If something is easier to do, of course it’s more likely that I will do it. But, at the same time, most of the <i>things</i> in our lives simply are there. Most of us, when organizing, try to achieve simplicity and order – we may not necessarily organize our homes or our offices based on what we want to accomplish… and I think that we should. I’ll give you two examples: I often get the desire to make something in my blender or my crockpot. My blender sits on one counter, right next to the sink, plugged in and ready to be used. The crockpot sits on the other counter inside a box, with no electrical outlets nearby. I use my blender all the time to make hummus, spaghetti sauce, or peanut butter. I haven’t used my crockpot in months. Why? While at work or early in the morning, I’ve had ideas of recipes to use, meals to prepare, and things to try in the crockpot, but as soon as I got in the kitchen I found that the barrier of taking it out of the box and moving it closer to an electrical outlet was too high. Not that I couldn’t have done it, or that I consciously found myself thinking that picking up a crockpot was hard work. That would be absurd. But the box was just enough of a barrier to keep me from using the crockpot when, perhaps plugged in and ready to go, I would have used it. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Example #2: For a long time I have carried my scriptures in my backpack with the intent of increasing my likelihood of reading them throughout the day. It works. I’m at work and need to look something up – I have my scriptures. I’m at the library and want to do my daily scripture study. Easy – they’re still in my backpack. When I have a spare moment, I find myself going to the scriptures simply because I have them there. When I don’t have them with me, it’s much less likely that I’ll turn to them for counsel. I keep a copy of the Book of Mormon next to my bed. I’ve found that at 11:30 at night I’m not always the most logical person, and the effort to get up and find a set of scriptures seems almost overwhelming. If I haven’t read my scriptures before getting ready to go to sleep, and I have a copy of the Book of Mormon next to my bed, it is that much easier to get up, find them, and read them. I try to keep another copy in my car – which makes it that much more likely that I will talk to people about the Book of Mormon and offer them a copy.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In the first example, I saw how easy it was to create barriers in my life. Just putting my crockpot in a box made it so that I never used it – even though I had the desire and it was sitting on the counter for months. In the second example, I saw how easy it was to make something important to me easier to do – by carrying my scriptures with me, I made it easier to read and share them with others throughout the day. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In our lives, there is a multitude of things that we would like to accomplish, and things that we would like to avoid doing each day. Most of the time, we assume that the reason we do one and not the other is simply a result of will – if we really wanted to do more good and less bad, we would try harder. But there are other ways to influence our actions. Look at what the Lord uses to remind and influence us – He asks us to read the scriptures daily, to pray frequently, to constantly surround ourselves with good music, uplifting pictures, and good friends. He even asks us to think about the clothing that we are wearing (and choosing Sabbath-day clothing specific to that day) to influence how we feel and act. We can do the same thing in accomplishing our personal goals. We can find ways to make our tasks closer, easier, and then more likely to be completed. Visual cues – like To-Do lists, notes stuck on the bathroom mirror, pictures on the wall, or the placement of where things are in your home or office – affect what we do. Proximity affects us as well; if I leave a stack of papers on the top of my desk at work, I am much more likely to look at them and do something with them than if I file them in a filing cabinet.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I know that God loves us. He wants us to be happy and to choose the right. For that reason, He surrounds us with things that symbolize heaven… and that point to His existence. As Alma said, all things denote there is a God. And, if we look, we can see the messages He left in the stars, the wind, the rain, the grass, and the trees. Everything around us helps us to remember Him and to keep His commandments. We have that same power – we can choose what is in our environment and influence our own decisions. My invitation to you this week is to choose something you want to accomplish – whether exercising more regularly, reading your scriptures more faithfully, or eating less (or more). Find a way to make what you want easier to do – whether moving exercise equipment or scriptures into your room or decreasing your plate size – and do it. It may not solve all of your problems, but it will make solving them that much easier. Ultimately, if we want to come closer to Christ or to better habits, there are two things we can do. We can move forward towards them, or we can take the steps to bring them closer to us. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-26517156798532844212010-04-26T19:39:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:40:31.804-06:00Revelations on life, learning, missionary work<div class="MsoNormal">Wow. Another crazy week has passed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Projects at the MTC are moving forward at full speed; we’re moving this week (again); I didn’t make the final round for the job I applied for at the Church Office Building; graduation day at BYU made me nostalgic for school; and my human resources training seems like it will help me at work and in life. But the most interesting thing that happened this week was that I think I am a bit closer to understanding the type of work I love and what I really want to do in life.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I was younger (from the beginning of conscious thought through college) I envied people and storybook characters who had their lives all planned out. They loved math and were good at it, so they became statisticians or mathematicians. Or they excelled and loved writing and became writers. They had the key ingredients of passion and ability to shape their lives and help them find fulfillment in their work, and they fulfilled the commandment to share their talents with the world. I, on the other hand, somehow ended up with a grab bag of assorted gifts and talents – from writing to swimming to teaching to singing to physics – without the accompanying passion to pursue all of them. I’m definitely grateful for the talents I’ve been given, but I didn’t even have the passion to pursue <i>one </i>of them – I’ve never been able to imagine myself happily situated in a career doing any of things I’m good at. I would have gladly traded most of my talents (example: Debate. Who really wants a talent for debate? I got nominated as the best debater in my class in high school. That would be fine in itself, but many of my friends claim I am constantly in ‘debate mode’ – even in casual conversations. Since I don’t know how to turn the over-assertive ‘debate mode’ off, life would be simpler if I lacked the talent) for direction in life. I actually asked the Lord, sincerely, if He would do the exchange – like when, for Nephi, He took war and replaced it with famine – but He explained that my situation was different. I had been given my talents for a good reason, and part of the reason was that I needed to figure it out. My patriarchal blessing is conspicuously vague on the subject; it says that as <i>I choose my vocation in life, </i>I’ll receive blessings from the Lord. And so I’ve tried a lot of different vocations with the hope that one would turn out right. I’ve written books, worked on video games, performed in plays and movies, and done educational research. I’ve been a teacher and a curriculum designer, studied half a dozen languages, started a business, and taken courses in everything from plant propagation to computer science. And nothing felt right. But, somehow, through it all I’ve felt like I’ve been guided. It’s like each job or training is a piece of some massive, intricate puzzle that I really can’t understand. But, along with the years of dance or the jobs that I’ve held, are accompanying miraculous stories. The thing I’ve been searching for is trying to understand what I really want to <i>do </i>in life – something that makes me love life – that makes me get up in the morning and give thanks to God. And, as much as I love learning, it definitely isn’t physics research, or aromatherapy or even music or teaching classes on food science. But I think I’m closer to knowing what it is.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It all seemed to fall together this week. I was nostalgic for school when BYU was full of new graduates with their caps and gowns, and I wondered what I had learned in the last year. Not just knowledge, but what I had learned about myself. And, looking back on the things that made me happy, I saw a pattern. I’m happiest when I’m helping other people make changes in their lives, and when I’ve helped change organizations to better meet the needs of people. It’s that simple. I used to think that my passion in life was teaching. Then I realized that I couldn’t teach the same subject year after year without going crazy. Then I thought my passion was learning, and realized that there were plenty of things I didn’t want to learn. And so now I think I’m closer – and the passion of my life is enabling and motivating change – bringing people and organizations closer to Christ. At least, I think so. That could explain my love of learning – because it enables me to change my own views and beliefs about the world – and to improve my actions to become a better person. It could also explain my love of teaching people, because I love to help them gain and apply knowledge in their lives. And it’s why I’m passionate in changing organizations – because through change we can work with greater efficiency, with better results and happier customers and employees. When I thought my passion was teaching or learning, I said that I wanted to change the world of education. In reality, I just want to change the world. Changing education is just a part of it. So there’s my talent and passion – learning, applying, and teaching others principles that apply in their lives.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Wow. That’s exactly what I do in this letter each week. I look at my life, synthesize the things that the Lord has taught me, share how I am applying them, and then try to create an invitation that others can follow. And, proof that I am at least closer this time to finding what makes me tick, for the last 5 years writing this letter each week has been a major element that has kept me going and given me purpose in life. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So when I was rejected from the job offer at the Church Office Building, it didn’t come as much of a surprise. Two of my bosses and the Lord had mentioned some aspects of the job that hinted that it probably wouldn’t be right for me, and I realize now that I was just grasping at straws, trying to make sense out of what I couldn’t yet make sense.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And so I’m still at the MTC. I had an amazing revelation this last week while on my way to the temple. I was trying to identify the vital behaviors of missionary work – what makes a missionary who is successful in implementing the rest of the missionary behaviors different from a missionary who does everything right, but rote. The realization came as the Lord taught me that the Spirit is the most important element in the work. “If ye receive not the Spirit, ye shall not teach.” It’s not, “If ye receive not the Spirit, then your lesson won’t go well,” or “If ye receive not the Spirit, do your best anyway.” The message is clear, and the impact is far-reaching. In missionary work, having the Spirit is <i>the</i> most important aspect. If you have the Spirit, the work will go forward. If you don’t, “ye shall not teach.” My interpretation: the vital behaviors in missionary work are: 1: Be exactly obedient (to be worthy of the companionship of the Spirit). 2: Schedule time to ask for guidance and listen to the Spirit each day (prayer, planning, and study time). 3: Always be in an environment where you can hear the promptings of the Spirit, and keep a prayer in your heart. 4: Act on <i>every</i> prompting from the Spirit, immediately. 5: If the Spirit leaves, get out of bad situations immediately. Then stop, repent, pray, and don’t move until it returns. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sometimes life can seem to be a massive puzzle… where you only see the back side of individual pieces. I know it has been that way for me. But I also know that God loves us and wants us to be happy. And, if we will look to Him for guidance, He will help us to become the people He sees in us. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have the ability to change, to grow, and to be happy. And, if we will follow the guidance that we receive at the hand of the Lord, someday we will be made perfect. My invitation this week is simple: try to identify one of the things you love in life – not just the things that are fun, but the things that hold so much value that they contain part of the purpose of your life. Look at your past, the things with which the Lord has blessed you, and your dreams for the future… and then find a way to do more of the things you love most. I’m going to figure out this week if there is a graduate program that will help me learn to help people change their lives (hopefully something other than psychology). Then, when you have found it and applied it, go out and be missionaries! Share your love of life with others… and they will come closer to Christ.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-24861743475711281392010-04-18T19:38:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:39:30.436-06:00Influence and Education<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">I fell asleep this afternoon without intending to – a sure sign of being tired if there ever was one. Longer hours at work have been nice, since I've had the opportunity to have a major impact on our projects at the MTC, but they've also been draining. My uncle also had a late-into-the-night birthday party during the week, an aunt had a pre-marathon party, and I got home late last night from a date. So I guess there are plenty of reasons to be tired. At least for today I've made the commitment to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Which means writing while the sun is still up instead of staying up until two in the morning.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">I've had some interesting experiences this week. Wednesday morning I woke up and began singing (as is customary) and, while leaving the apartment, noticed little blue paper notes on the outside of my neighbor's doors. Something about the stairwell at my complex has always made me want to sing, so, still singing a song from </span><i>Phantom of the Opera</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, I turned and found the same note on my door. It was an invitation to a Relief Society activity, and I turned back to the stairwell. Then, suddenly, the door across from mine flew open and a woman in her late thirties cried out, “You! You have an amazing voice. I need to know your name! Come in! Come in!” She ushered me into her apartment, which was a bit messy; what hit me first, though, was a row of 6 well-cared-for potted plants in the middle of the room. Everything but the plants was in chaos. “You must think I'm crazy for living in a house this messy. I'm crazy to live in a house like this. How could anyone live in a house like this? I'm sorry. I need to get a piece of paper. Don't go away.” She rummaged through a drawer and found a piece of paper and a marker, then asked, “What's your name? Are you a missionary?” I was dressed for work, which includes a suit, tie, and a white name tag, so I smiled. “No – I just work at the MTC.” I gave her my name, and she tried to explain why she needed it, but in her anxious & excited state I was only able to catch something about Sandra Bullock, Christ, miracles, and a story. As I left, the Lord told me I had just been involved in a missionary experience... I just have no clue what it means yet.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">A friend at Institute has had a massive rash for the last month. Her doctors put her on intense medications and were still unable to treat it. I suggested that she change her diet – eliminate sugars, fats, and empty carbs – and she took me seriously. Today in Church she was smiling and rash-free; the culprit was probably a daily ice cream shake from her new workplace.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">And then, as I was leaving work on Friday, I talked with one of my managers. His office is the home of “the candy drawer” - a drawer that, for years, has stayed full of candy no matter how much you take out, and to which everyone is invited and entitled at any point in time. I don't think I need to share my deepest feelings as regards the drawer. He mentioned that he had recently felt promptings telling him to live more healthily. Even more amazing – he had already made plans to act on the promptings, from getting a bike to buying fruit to bring with him to work. He then let me in on a secret: the candy drawer just received its last refill before death by attrition. Wow. Miracles happen every day.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">I signed up for a Human Resources training this week and I've been reading a book to prepare for the class. The book is titled </span><span style="font-style: normal;"><u>Influencer</u></span><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"> and is really interesting. It suggests vital behaviors that enable people to make an impact in others' lives and how to implement them into change models: Focus on a few vital behaviors that will achieve the result you need, then use a variety of motivational and enabling methods to help change happen. As I read, I was able to see how true the principles are, and how I've unwittingly applied them already. Over the last year, I've had plenty of opportunities to share why I eat healthily and to invite others to do the same. But a year of lunchtime platitudes has done very little except instill a mild sense of guilt in my coworkers – because, in their hearts, they didn't believe that eating healthily was worth it. Or they didn't believe it was possible. Taking healthy food with me each day – and helping them to have their own positive experiences eating healthily on a daily basis – has suddenly changed my workplace. People bring carrots and apples and a healthy lunch; others are spending more time exercising and drinking more water. The book explains how telling stories, and allowing others to experience their own stories, is a hundred times more useful than simply verbally telling information. </span></span> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="text-decoration: none;">I can see other applications: helping friends make life changes, helping missionaries to change their paradigm in the curriculum we are writing, and, ultimately, changing the world of education. Someday, along with 3rd-party assessment tools that will enable students to choose their own courses in life, I'll create classrooms where students are taught by students – and where students who have learned just a bit more are held accountable to the success of the students they teach. In a system like that, there would never be problems with too much teacher-directed class time. There would never be issues of whether something was good for a student or plausible for a teacher. And, by making students into teachers, students would learn more than ever before. Obviously it would have to be carefully crafted... and require a major shift in culture. But I think it will be possible. Someday.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">Recent events have shown me an interesting turn in my life: for the first time, I am studying things I never wanted to learn, including behavioral psychology. It, along with political science and law, was the only thing I ever “knew” I didn't want to study... and I have always avoided it like the plague. Part of my avoidance of psychology was a fear that, if I really understood how people acted and why, I would automatically become manipulative and treat people like 'patients' that needed curing instead of really caring about them regardless of the outcomes. In the years that have passed, I've learned how to better love the people around me, and now I find myself reading through social science reports, summarizing findings from journal articles, and applying social science principles to my life to help me be a better influence in the world around me. Am I afraid that maybe it will backfire and push me further away from the people I love? Of course I am – nothing terrifies me more. But that means that I'll always have to rely on the Lord... and, with Him at my side, I can't go astray.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">So the lessons I am learning are similar to the ones I learned last week – learn to love everything, be a good example, and help others make changes in their lives </span><i>themselves. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">If I had possessed the executive power to ban junk food from the face of the earth, a year ago I would have done it. Today, I feel like I </span><i>do</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> have that power – the power to help people make better choices and become who they really want to be – all I need to do is use it. I know that God loves us, and that He placed us here, in life, among one another. He could change us... and put us in situations where we would have to choose the right, but, instead, He entreats us, blesses us, encourages us, and helps us along the road to righteousness. I think we can all do the same in our everyday lives with others – be a friend, a helping hand, a listening ear, a kind gesture, a loving embrace. And then the people will come closer to Christ – of their own accord. I know that God lives. He sent His Son for us, and He will guide us in accomplishing His work. The work is moving forward. Go out and be missionaries!</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-85467535207898312952010-04-12T19:37:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:38:28.939-06:00Just another week<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">This week has been amazing. I think the theme of the week is making a difference in the lives of others. Following General Conference, I made the decision to take healthy food with me each day to work. My reasons were multiple; it would ensure that I had healthy food to eat (as opposed to simply skipping meals), show my coworkers that I cared about them, hopefully influence their eating habits, and give me a chance to serve them. So, Monday morning, I arrived to work with a tray of chopped carrots, crackers, homemade hummus and salsa. It was an instant hit. In the days following, I took other healthy foods – carrots, celery, olives, apples, oranges, pears, and homemade dips from hummus to peanut butter. And already, after just a week, my coworkers are mentioning how much they appreciate it and how it is affecting their dietary habits. “I tried to go eat my normal food... but I just couldn't – I felt like I wanted something healthier” was one comment, followed by, “I think we are all going to become converted to eating healthier.” One even brought his own healthy food to add on Friday afternoon. Wow. For some of these people, we have had conversations about eating healthily for a year now, with no visible changes. And now, within a week, I begin seeing results from simply taking the time to share part of my life with them. They are bringing healthier snacks with them to work. They take less trips to the “candy drawer” (a manager keeps one of his drawers full of candy available to anyone who wants it – right now I am openly at war with him). They eat healthy snacks instead of skipping food altogether. And I love it – being able to bless their lives and give meaningful service is worth whatever it costs me in time and grocery bills. And since I only buy produce that is on sale, I feel great about it anyway. Grocery shopping and food preparation has become an opportunity to find ways to bless the lives of others. Amazing.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In my quest to help people become healthier, I've been trying to find even more ways to become healthier myself. I attended a wellness seminar through BYU Human Resources a few weeks ago on using diet to reduce cancer risk. I felt validated while he talked about focusing on whole grains, fruits, vegetables, eating foods in their natural form, avoiding processed products, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. But he mentioned one thing that made me squirm – watching the sodium content of foods. Excess sodium intake causes an increased risk of cancer, and, worse for me, an increased load on the heart. Heart problems run in my family, so I went home and looked at the foods I eat. Two foods in particular shocked me – canned tomatoes and canned beans. Eating a can of tomatoes puts me just shy of the maximum allowable sodium intake. A can of beans is only slightly less. So eating a can of beans and a can of tomatoes (which is easily normal fare when I'm hungry coming home from work) is way more than what is healthy. My first thought was to try finding something to substitute. After a few hours of research, multiple trips to hardware and other stores, and failed attempts at finding calcium chloride, I returned home one day with a 40-lb bag of potassium chloride. If you buy the 1 oz Morton size that is labeled “Salt Substitute,” it costs you $4. If you buy the 40-lb Morton size that says “Additive-free Potassium Chloride,” it costs you $20. Follow up on the manufacturer confirms that the big bag really does have no additives. There was no deliberation on my part. Potassium chloride, however, has a slightly different taste from normal salt. In some things, it tastes just fine. In others, it leaves a strange metallic taste... and makes me think of unripe bananas. So I'm experimenting and learning how I can use it in the long term.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I gave a talk today in church. My topic was assigned as the article from the March Ensign titled “Digital Detachment and Personal Revelation.” All week I struggled to determine <i>how </i><span style="font-style: normal;">to give the talk – whether to base it off of personal experiences, stories, scriptures, quotes from the prophets, or another point of view. Obviously, I would probably use all of those, but what would be the defining factor – the key ingredient to tie it all together? My ward is sleepy during Sacrament meeting, but they also really need sound doctrine. And, because they are students and young adults, they need something incredibly memorable. What would work best? </span>After spending time during the week, all day Saturday, and most of this morning trying to find the right pieces, I finally followed the prompting to reuse the format of a talk I gave about a year ago about a boy named Jack. In the talk, I told Jack's story multiple times. Each time, Jack made a fatal mistake en route to school which caused him to fall into a pit, get bitten by rattlesnakes, and die. After reviewing the mistake and teaching the associated doctrines, I retold the story. This time Jack applied the associated principle and bypassed the pit of rattlesnakes... until he made another mistake, fell into another pit of rattlesnakes, and died. The story is easily related to the spiritual consequences of making poor decisions, but the physical interpretation (each of the five endings <span style="font-style: normal;">goes: He fell into a pit and got bitten by a rattlesnake. He died. The end.) is </span>just absurd enough to be both memorable and funny. Since the talk was on personal revelation, as Jack followed more and more of the steps to personal revelation, he got closer and closer to school. The five steps to receiving revelation I outlined were: Unplug from distractions, ask the Lord for guidance, study it out in your mind, keep a record of your promptings, and work hard. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">On the surface, the talk seems to have had the motivating effect we needed. At one end, the bishopric was approving and people made references to 'unplugging' from digital distractions in Sunday School and Priesthood meeting. At the other end, ward members asked me why Jack didn't use Yahoo maps on his iPhone to not get lost; others made strange comments about my choice of snakes. Either way, they were listening and at least remembered the story for the two hours that followed. Hopefully they will also remember the principles behind it.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm seeing an impact in other parts of my life as well. A friend mentioned that she had a case of hives that doctors haven't been able to cure. She had open sores in many places because of itching. I handed her a bottle of lavender oil and she mentioned today that it worked amazingly well – her skin is finally healing. At Institute, the couple in charge of refreshments took interest in my diet and has begun to bring foods that could be categorized as uber-healthy: no-sugar-added, no-fat-added, vegan, whole grain cookies, homemade hummus, homemade pita bread, and assorted vegetables. Wow. And I've had more and more opportunities to help people at work.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">For me, finding little ways that I can share things in my life with others has made all the difference this week. From taking food to work to telling stories in Sacrament meeting, I feel like I am influencing the people around me and helping them to make better decisions in their lives. And that is one of the things that makes me happy – being able to invite others, in whatever way, to come closer to Christ.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I know that God is our Father. He loves us and answers our prayers. And He gives us the opportunity to bless the lives of others here on the earth. My invitation to you this week is to look at your life and find something little you can do for others, and to do it. Maybe it's simply smiling at everyone you meet. Maybe it's making a phone call each day to talk with a friend. Whatever the choice, I know that as we strive to bless the lives of others, the Lord will bless us and help us (and those we serve) come closer to Him. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-4235977901254338572010-04-04T19:36:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:37:42.403-06:00Revelation at General Conference<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm not sure what to say. When I attend General Conference, I feel like the Lord is speaking directly to me – as if the speakers wrote their talks as direct answers to my questions. I don't want to write about anything other than Conference, but copying all 20 pages of notes would be long-winded even for me, so I'll just include a few of my thoughts. It's a bit haphazard, but you'll probably benefit from reading your own notes more than reading mine. My invitation to you (if you haven't already done so) is to review and write your own feelings and the promptings that the Lord gave you this General Conference.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Some of my thoughts:</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> The father always, always, always should administer to the ordinances of salvation for his family. He can choose others to give blessings and make decisions... but he should always, always, always administer to his children in the most important ordinances.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> We can be certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> For those who eschew evil and live good lives, things can get better and better, even in difficult times.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> How do we know our path of duty in a time of crisis? We pray.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Humble, sincere, inspired prayer makes available all the guidance we need.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> I wonder if this means that I need to find the answer to my questions outside of General Conference... if the Lord is teaching me that He wants to have a more personal conversation. I can definitely understand that – I haven't been as faithful in everything as I should be... as I want to be.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> I don't know if I will know what I need to do... other than stay close to the Lord, pray for His guidance, have faith, have hope, and move forward in the work. I don't know what that will mean. Perhaps it means making plans... trying new things, knocking on doors to see if they will open. I don't know what will happen at all. And I wonder.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Mothers have an impact and effect on their daughters... and everything that a mother does becomes a part of her daughters forever. Maybe that means that I need to find a mother that knows – a mother who is so completely engaged in the Gospel... and then look for her daughters.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> How can I bless the lives of others? I'm not sure how to make an impact in the world. </div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> I need to rescue others... I need to reach out to people... and I don't know exactly how.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> The people who paid their life's savings for a Bible... and ran the risk of being executed. What did they know that we lack?</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Take the time to obey the Lord – to do the things that the Lord has asked me to do and to be obedient to the commandments He has already given me.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> You can't give the knowledge you have to your children. You can't. You can't. They have to learn it for themselves – the same way that we learned it. </div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Blessing: If you will do this [follow this pattern to teach your children], your children will be able to see afar off and hear the trump... and be a blessing to your family and your posterity.</div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> I will give place no more for the enemy of my soul.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> If we want it deeply and truly enough, that enemy can and will be rebuked... forever more.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> The light of the Gospel can and will shine where we feel it has gone hopelessly and helplessly dark...</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> If we are sick and ask the Lord to bless us,... I need to do all the things necessary... it appears consistent to me to <b>apply every remedy that comes within the range of my knowledge</b> and then to sanctify that application to the healing of my body.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Healing blessings involving the power of the Priesthood. <b>We will need this power (the Melchizedek Priesthood to bless the sick) more in the future than we have needed in the past.</b></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> “Our faith is in Jesus Christ and is not dependent on outcomes.”</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> The Missionary Department just posted a job on the Church website. Should I apply for the job? I think I want to be there. That means I'll have to apply for the job. Would I be happy? Yes – it's a learning experience and another type of teaching experience. Life goes on. And it will get better. I'll talk with my boss about it on Monday, and I'll work on my resume and application this week to make sure that I make a perfect fit.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Wow. I think I just heard the answer to my question. “A mission call is the most important work that you can do.” It is definitely clear, and while he meant it in a different way, it feels like the answer.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> So that's my decision. I'll talk with my boss and apply for the job in the Missionary Department; I'll ask some people for references... and we'll see what happens. Will it affect my work in Development? Yes, but I've felt that I needed to look for a new job for a while. I've felt that I needed to move in a different direction for a few months now... and I can help train others to take my place in the department. Yes, it will be sad – and I'll miss the people in the department. But it feels like the right thing to do... and we'll see how it works... if it is the right direction... if I end up getting the job. The likelihood of getting the job is minuscule in the first place; I don't know what will happen. But I'll try it. Who knows? Maybe it will work out. And maybe I won't get the job and life will go on. Who knows?</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> What will my bosses think? And what do I think? I hope they don't feel like I'm abandoning them... like I'm pulling up roots in the middle of a project where they need me. But do they really need me? They have teams and others... and I know that, while I am a part of development, the department has created amazing things in the past and will continue to create great things in the future – with or without me as a part of them. It would be preposterous to think that development really needed me... or would it? I don't know. I don't feel like I'm really needed right now... and I think that the project will go on and be implemented without me. </div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Lord, I want to do this. I want to apply for this job. And I want to get it. Please help me to get this job, if it be Thy will. And if it be not Thy will, please help me to understand Thy will and how I can accomplish it.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Patience is not passive resignation... nor is it failure to act out of fear.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> It is active waiting and enduring... staying with something and doing all that we can, bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not enduring... it is enduring well</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> So what does that mean for me? It means that I'll apply for the job, and if I don't get it, and while I'm applying, I'll do everything in my power to bless the Development department. And if I don't get it, I'll keep moving forward.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Wow. Patience is an important thing. And I know that the Lord will eventually help me to know His will in my life. Patience is a good thing to learn at this point in my life; patience in finding an eternal companion: actively dating. Patience in choosing someplace to live: finding a home and working to make it a better place. Patience in attending graduate school: working and learning and applying. I haven't really waited very long – a year for graduate school, three years of waiting for a family.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> I wonder. I can see that the Lord wants me to learn important lessons. I can see that He wants me to bless the lives of the people around me – doing things that I probably wouldn't have been willing to do had I a family to support. Be patient. Act now. I guess that's the same answer He has always given me – the same answer I've received for the last 3 years. Is it enough? Be patient. I can be patient. Act now? I can act; I am an agent unto myself and I can make a difference in the world. And I can and will act... and the Lord will direct me.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Learn what the Lord expects of you.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Plan how to do it.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Act on your plan.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Share with others how your experience changed you and blessed others.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> At least that last part sounds like my weekly letter.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> I'm planning to talk with my boss on Monday; I'll tell her what my plans are and all of the information that I have about the potential job. I'll ask for her help, and let her know what I'll ask for if I have the opportunity to choose when to start (I can ask her & my other supervisors for input on that if it comes to it). And then I'll move on. Or I'll keep working there with diligence.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> Looking at what has happened in my life in the past, it's completely possible that this may not be the right choice. I mean, every job I've ever gotten was <b>not</b> posted online, wasn't available to the public, wasn't even offered before it was given to me. </div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> True love requires action. What actions do I accomplish to show others that I care about them? I can show my love to others in so many ways...</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Get up early tomorrow morning and make healthy food to take to work.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Celery sticks (probably not – people want 'calories')</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Carrot sticks</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Hummus</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Crackers</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Fruit? What kind of fruit can I take that would last all day?</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Apples. I can take full-size apples</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Teaching is actually helping others to have spiritual experiences. We can't be perfect examples. But we can do a lot. So how does this apply to the MTC? How does this apply to everything that I do in my work?</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Wow. I feel so thankful for everything that has happened in my life – the people that I've known, the God that loves me, the Savior that sacrificed His life for me... and Who is risen from the grave to heal and save me. O Lord, please bless me. Help me to share the light of the Gospel with the people of the world... to shout it out with joyful voice and to make a difference... to bring Thy children back unto Thee. That's all I want. I just want to be a missionary... to change lives and to teach the Gospel all the days of my life. Help me to do Thy will.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">The tragedy of spiritual death is much, much worse than the tragedy of physical death... and we can look around the world and see massive disasters that kill thousands, spiritually. What are we doing to help them? We are willing to send teams of doctors, money, supplies, and everything else to help those who are physically suffering. But what do we do when there are people who are suffering in the Spirit? People who are dying from infidelity, selfishness, pride, dishonesty...? Why don't we send massive relief teams there – to change their lives? I would join a team that was dedicated to preach the gospel in Naples, or in France, or in California, or in Provo. I think we need to have something like that – spiritual disaster relief programs. I don't know how you could do it. People are often so hurt that they cannot tell the difference... and they don't want the help of others. But spiritual help is so important... and much more important that the physical relief that comes with relief efforts. Maybe it would simply be a team of teachers – people who travel the world to teach principles of optimism, agency, wisdom, honesty, and other universal principles. You start with the basics, and move forward.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">Suddenly that sounds like something that would be amazing. Groups of teachers that teach moral principles – that serve as moral guides in places where spiritual problems have occurred. Teachers who help children and parents to come to a knowledge of the truth for themselves. And teachers who accomplish a portion of missionary work by helping others to come unto Christ.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> “You have come to this earth at a glorious time... the opportunities of this earth are nearly limitless... but we have been placed on this earth in a perilous times... the adversary is trying to ensnare us i<span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">n a web of deceit.”</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">We are the rising generation... who are we? Who am I? And where do I fit in, in my generation?</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> The Lord loves us and will bless us as we call upon Him.</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">I invoke the blessings of Heaven upon each of you... that Heavenly Father will bless you and your families... may the messages and Spirit of Conference find expression in all that you do – in your homes, work, meetings, comings and goings.</span></div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <br />
</div><div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"> <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent;">I know that God loves us and that He hears and answers our prayers. We are guided today by living prophets and apostles who receive revelation for our sakes. Every time I attend General Conference my faith in revelation is reaffirmed. Reflect on what you have learned this Conference and share it with the world. Go out and be missionaries!</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-70780697945109706662010-03-29T19:36:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:36:39.403-06:00Preparing for Enlightenment<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Lots has happened this week. Monday I tried to update my website to move forward with testing essential oils as an adjunct therapy for Cystic Fibrosis; I found that, inexplicably, the website had broken completely. The homepage had been deleted, the login screen didn't work, and I had to call to get everything restored from a backup. Wow. Instant opposition. After talking with some people, I think that my first step will be to contact researchers in order to set up the test the 'right' way... so that it will be accepted by the Cystic Fibrosis community and the medical community as a whole. Still very optimistic, still moving forward, the website and sign-up is still in the works.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Life at work has become more interesting. Development hired a bunch of short-term part-time employees to augment each of the teams working on the MTC curriculum. That means that there are actually people in my department – people to talk with (at least for the next few months)! That makes me happy, since being able to take a 2-minute break for a short conversation makes my work much more meaningful (and keeps me from getting headaches from staring at a computer screen for hours on end). I love people.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">General Conference is this next week. And, with the preparation for General Conference comes a story and a promise. You might already know this story, but there are only so many personal true stories I can tell. The first time I went to General Conference with a question in my heart was in the seventh grade. I was struggling with the decision of whether or not to skip grades – a decision which would simultaneously jeopardize my swimming career, destroy my peer group, and have massive social ramifications... but also could help better meet my needs at school. The school board had given me the option and expected an answer soon. I was completely lost and didn't know what to do, so I prayed for help. That weekend was General Conference. And my experience that Conference changed my life. It was there that I heard the words, (paraphrased) “Get all the education you can... do everything in your power to put yourself in the best educational environment possible.” It was an answer to my prayer – the exact words that I needed to move forward and the confirmation of my decision.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Since then, each General Conference has seemed to fall around a time of tumult in my life. I'm moving or making major decisions, choosing majors, or just struggling in mortality. And so I define one of my personal questions or struggles and take it with me to Conference. I ask the Lord my question and I attend every session of Conference with laptop in hand, fully expecting that a large number of the talks will address some aspect of my life. And, amazingly, they do. Maybe it's because everyone is struggling with the exact same things in life that I do. Maybe it's because the Lord tunes my ears to hear the words and remember them. And maybe it's because going to Conference with a question means that I am listening to the Spirit as He helps me find the answer. Sometimes it seems that every talk is written for me – that the General Authorities must have re-written their talks in the middle of the night just to answer my questions. And then I realize how amazing the foreknowledge of the Lord is – He knew what I would need before I even asked... and inspired those men and women to write into their talks the things I would need in my life.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Does it work? I guess that's a matter of how you look at the fulfillment of prayers to God on a global basis. Let's take two examples. First, I pray to remember where I lost something important, or for help in finding an answer to a hard question. Immediately my mind is enlightened and I find what I was looking for. In this case it's easy to say that the Lord heard and answered my prayer. Second, I pray for it to rain. Two days later we have a massive rainstorm. Obviously, the rain “fulfilled” my prayer, but what was the effect of my request? Did it rain <i>because</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> I prayed?</span> Or did it rain because it was already planned; I just happened to ask for rain at a time when rain was going to come anyway? From a doctrinal perspective, the scriptures teach that the Lord does hear and answer our prayers – even those that have far-reaching effects. And we've all heard the stories of people who have prayed for rain and whose prayers have been heard. On a personal level, I know that the Lord hears and answers my prayers. Once in Naples I was doing an exchange with another missionary and having an especially hard day, so I prayed for rain (for me, rain is a sign of God's love). Within moments, a few dozen droplets fell from the sky on my arms and head. The pavement was dry, the smog was still there, and my companion hadn't felt anything. Inside my mind there was a voice, “It rained. Be happy. I love you. Keep working.” Countless other times, the Lord has answered my prayers – even when doing so affects others around me.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I know that God really does hear and answer our prayers. And when we attend General Conference this next week with a prayer in our hearts, He will inspire our leaders to share words that will answer our prayers, open our hearts, and help us hear the things we need to hear. It's a miracle, there for the asking. Knock, and ye shall find. Ask, and ye shall receive. We simply need to ask, listen, write down our impressions, and actively seek the things we want to know. I know He will. Will General Conference answer a question that you've struggled with for years of your life? It has for me – multiple times. Or will it give you a piece of the puzzle – not the entire answer? That has happened too. Whatever happens, the answers you find will improve your perspective and enable you to make better decisions in your life. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So that is my invitation for you. Right now, make the commitment to attend General Conference with a question in mind. Ask before you go, and listen intently to the speakers and to the Spirit. I promise you that the Lord will hear and answer your prayer. He will speak to you through the mouth of His servants and you will know they are His servants. Then go out and share that knowledge with others. Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-1260544996609518562010-03-21T19:34:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:35:35.786-06:00Searching and researching<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">This week has been interesting, to say the very least. It started on Monday with working with new Italian missionaries at the Missionary Training Center. I volunteer each week and listen to them improve in their language and teaching skills... and some of the things I learn, I take back to my office where I help to write the MTC curriculum. Other things, I hope are just anomalies. This week I realized that missionaries need to better understand how to teach people about the influence of the Holy Ghost – how to recognize it, create a setting where it is present, and ultimately expect it. The sisters who taught me, after asking me how I felt, never really explained or put a name to what was happening. I have learned so much about the importance of the Holy Ghost – and how crucial it is to teach about it early – since my mission. The peace that accompanies learning truth is the witness of the Holy Ghost that what you are learning is true; that is incredibly important for understanding the peace that the Gospel brings! I hope that, somehow, we can help missionaries achieve some of those same insights during the short time they are trained here in Provo.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In the post-April housing search, we put in an offer on a house this week. It's a nice house in Orem near University Mall. If it goes through, it will be amazing. If not, then we'll keep looking. Whatever happens, the Lord will be involved.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Then the course-changing event. One of my cousins has Cystic Fibrosis and has been using an essential oil blend in a nebulizer as a daily breathing treatment. While he mentioned that it felt like it was working, we've been waiting with our fingers crossed to see what would happen when he had a pulmonary function test (the gold standard for following Cystic Fibrosis - CF)... and the test was this week. Result: he scored higher on this test than he did last time. Here's the reason why we were concerned: he had been using the essential oils <i>in place of </i><span style="font-style: normal;">his normal mucous-thinning medication, and if we had gotten a negative result it may have easily smashed our hopes for trying to find something in essential oils to help treat CF. But it wasn't negative – it was positive – and that is enough to make me want to move forward. </span> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">In our initial test we tried to correct for everything from frequency of usage to exercise habits. But it was just one person, and while it was effective, I want to know if it is effective with a wider variety of people and a wider variety of severities. If it is effective, I want to make it available to more people... let them know about it... because CF is an awful disease and maybe this can do something to help it. That puts me in a unique situation. Traditional drug research methods are incredibly time-consuming and costly; designed to take a dozen years or more from the initial idea before they are available on the market to treat a given condition. Right now, clinical research studies require massive amounts of money, time, approval from the government before they can start, planning, staff, oversight, red tape... Which means that there is no way that any company will </span><i>ever</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> invest the millions of dollars it would take to do a study using essential oils – because it would never give a return. And the money from foundations like the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, by going through traditional drug production methods, also takes years before it is available. Also, the way that clinical studies are currently designed, it would require even more costs to identify and outline exact essential oil dosage specifications – for example, listing every single chemical component in lemon oil, with exact specificity. How useful is that, when every time you grow another lemon, or even take another one off the tree, the lemon oil is going to have a slightly different ratio of components? </span> </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In the pharmaceutical industry, these massive barriers serve to protect us from unproven and dangerous medications – to keep our hopes up and ensure that no one can sell snake oil to the highest bidder. And they work on that regard. But essential oils and natural products, unlike novel drugs, are already available to normal consumers. They could, ostensibly, go to the store and purchase these products and use them with the intent to treat a given condition. And thousands of people do – that is the story of the 'dietary supplement' industry, from ginseng root to vitamin C. That's why I could give my cousin an essential oil blend, he could use it, and then report back to me the results of his experiment. Enter the trigger for my next thought: why not create a clinical trial method that would leverage the willingness of people to try new things added to the ease of obtaining those options... all guided and recorded using the internet? If ten thousand people signed up to take 500mg of vitamin C each day during the next winter and then to report on their flu and cold symptoms, that would be an impressive body of information (for or against using vitamin C as a flu preventative)... and one that would help finally put a piece of medical research into the hands of someone other than fully-funded pharmaceutical companies, hospitals, and universities. And maybe I could do that with CF.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">So I'm doing it.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">If I were a medical doctor, I could simply follow the normal, prescribed route (pun intended) – diagnose Cystic Fibrosis, prescribe a given study medication to treat that condition, interpret results, tabulate data, and report to the scientific community. But I'm not a doctor, so I can't. Simple solution: I won't diagnose, prescribe, or treat anything. I'll simply ask people with CF who have their own doctors, who have already been diagnosed, and who decide to try using essential oils to report on their condition. By just asking them to report and using a product that is already available on the market, I can avoid the red tape of clinical trials. Yes, it will mean that everyone will need to convince their doctors to let them try it. They would have to convince their doctors anyway. It might preclude my ability to get funding from organizations and associations, but it will cut costs by a gazillion dollars... and funding organizations have ultra-long time lines anyway. If I have an idea, I want to try it tomorrow – not submit it by September for approval by next June for funding for the year after that! And perhaps it will make it harder to make the results available to the scientific community. I'll contact a few current medical researchers to ask questions about that.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-style: normal;">This week I'll start the process. I'll create a website branched from Nature's Fusions explaining the project with a sign up, information, and submission instructions for anyone who wants to be involved. Hopefully, the positive results we've had will prove to be useful in more situations... and we can improve lives of people with Cystic Fibrosis. I still have to be cautious about that... but I'm hopeful. And perhaps a new method of research – finding ways to empower consumers and turn the anecdotal into the scientific – could be the door to a new wave of health-conscious, consumer-led inquiry in medical science.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">What finally pushed me was that even my scripture study and conversations with the Lord are in this same direction. I was reading my scriptures this morning and suddenly had a revelation – on alginate. Some CF patients have what are called mucoid infections of pseudomonas aeruginosa – where the bacteria creates a protective, gooey, sticky substance called alginate that is impermeable to water, air, and antibiotics (in the food industry, it's used as chewing gum). The thought/inspiration I had while reading Alma was that something simple was able to dissolve alginate. I looked it up and alginate (specifically, calcium alginate) is insoluble in water, ethanol, and organic solvents. That's why it creates a massive problem when it's in your lungs. But it slowly dissolves in a solution of sodium carbonate. You can buy sodium carbonate in the supermarket as washing soda, or make it by broiling baking soda. I don't know if breathing a solution of sodium carbonate would help patients with mucoid pseudomonas, but it's another direction to try... and I know that the Lord's revelation accurately pushed me toward that discovery, since baking soda is definitely a simple ingredient.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm not exactly sure what it is the Lord is trying to teach me right now, other than an intensive course in organic chemistry and medicine. Maybe it has to do with opening doors, improving lives, moving mountains and making a difference in the world. And maybe it simply has to do with listening and acting on the promptings I receive. Sometimes the Lord is quiet in our lives. And sometimes He prompts us to move forward – to do something we have never done before. That's where I am. But with God at our side, nothing is impossible. So try it. Dream the impossible dream. And then go out and share it with the world – go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-19046240463474834212010-03-15T19:31:00.000-06:002010-07-17T19:34:39.057-06:00Humility, Soap Making, and Faith<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Learning at the hand of the Lord is a unique experience. I feel like I am a student whose teacher expects 24/7 study and practice. Life is amazing.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Lesson One: Humility & Work</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Wednesday I sang at the MTC staff devotional. It was an augmented men's quartet – 2 on the bass line, 2 on tenor, 2 on alto, and me as solo. The performance went really well; everyone loved it; I was barraged by compliments as soon as we were done. But later that day, I got a copy of the recording of our performance. Most of the recording was really good, but at least one of my notes was so terribly off-key that it makes my ears hurt. That sort of typifies my recent experiences with singing. As I learn more about singing, I become more aware of how much I lack and realize the difference between someone who sings for fun and someone who has studied to sing. It began at my voice lesson a few weeks ago. My teacher mentioned that the resonance of singing as we hear it can be so different that we may actually sing off-tune... and it will sound like we are perfectly in pitch to our own ears. He then explained that I had done exactly that – in the singing exercise I had just finished, I had gone noticeably flat. I thought I had been in perfect pitch. Suddenly a dozen memories came to mind – strange circumstances when I could tell, somehow, that someone thought I was singing off-pitch. What unnerved me most was that, if nothing else, <i>that's</i> what I thought I was good at – hitting all the right notes, every time, exactly on. Realizing that the only thing I really thought I was good at, I wasn't really good at after all was a bit of a shock. For about 5 seconds I honestly thought about giving up on music as a talent. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Maybe someday I'll understand what's happening. I'm not amazing, yet people like to hear me sing. And I love to sing. I guess that's good enough. But singing has become a very humbling experience. I'm realizing that great singing, like anything that is really great, doesn't just come naturally. There are certain techniques that go into shaping your voice, and while having a natural talent may get you to a certain point, it will only take you to that certain point. Beyond that, it takes work, time, effort, and practice – just like every other skill. I've known that forever, but now I actually believe that it applies to music. Yes, you can become a famous musician without actually investing the time, but to really become amazing, you have to work for it.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Lesson Two: Color Inside the Lines</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Thursday we started a new semester at the homeschooling academy where I teach. First semester, I taught physics, then Italian. I decided to return to a science-based curriculum, so I went to class with a list of subjects from which students would choose the syllabus for the course. We're spending a few classes on Astronomy, others on food science or everyday chemistry or calculus... and one on how to make soap. “Only one issue,” I think to myself, “I have no clue how to make soap.” But learning is something I love. We make soap in three weeks, so that's three weeks to gain a new skill.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Thursday afternoon I spent reading about soap-making – the ancient history and modern equivalents, safety precautions, and recipes. Friday I got all the ingredients (sodium hydroxide (lye), and oil) and whipped up my first batch.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Every single soap resource I read had included were multiple warnings about following an exact recipe. Each site had a new dire consequence for those who strayed – whether it was choking on toxic fumes, receiving caustic chemical burns, creating a “volcano” of molten soap, or becoming blind. So I followed a recipe. Sort of. First off, it normally takes 6 weeks for “cold-process” soap to cure after you make it. That was not an option. “Hot-process” soap is normally made over a burner, but I wanted to try it in my blender, since I won't have a burner when I teach my class how to make it. The biggest issue, though, was that I didn't have an accurate way to weigh sodium hydroxide. So I looked up its density and made an approximate measurement using spoonfuls. The recipe had a tolerance of about a gram. The tolerance of my measurement was about 5 grams. I wore gloves and dissolved the sodium hydroxide in cold water, added it to the oil, and put everything in my blender. But after a few minutes on high I got impatient. It didn't seem like it was doing anything. So I poured some more sodium hydroxide in. Within 5 seconds, the solution had thickened, changed color, doubled in size, and begun spouting a fountain of hot steam. It had also hardened. When I was able to cut the soap out of the blender, I tested it to see if it was done. Soap has a really interesting method of testing – it's called the taste test. You touch a piece of soap to your tongue; if it tingles, then the soap isn't done – either it needs more oil or it needs to cook longer. My soap definitely was not done. I had added too much sodium hydroxide halfway through, and now there was nothing I could do.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">My second attempt at making soap was more controlled. I knew I needed to follow the recipe exactly, so I created a super-precise scale. It was made of styrofoam bowls, paper clips, rubber bands, dental floss, and part of a pizza box, and it was accurate to less than ½ a gram. I measured out the exact amount of sodium hydroxide, added it to the water, added that to the oil, waited patiently while it thickened in the blender, and then poured it out into a mold. But, because it didn't do the expand/double/spout steam thing, it never thickened and was like cold-process soap. I wasn't willing to wait 6 weeks for it to cure, so I tried broiling it in the oven, cooking it on the stove, spreading it out in front of a fan, and even frying it to get the water out (Frying soap sounds really, really strange. But frying is a form of drying – replacing water with oil – and I just wanted to dry it out). Frying soap is not a good idea. I'll get the hang of it some day.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Lesson Three: Ask</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Today we had ward conference. For Sunday School, the stake presidency held a doctrinal question and answer session. I don't actually ask doctrinal questions in church anymore – I prefer finding answers on my own during my personal study, where I can search the references and really understand the meaning behind the scriptures. But I felt prompted to ask one today about 2 Nephi 7:10-11. I felt like I understood verse 11, but how it related to verse 10, and the specific purpose behind verse 10 was my issue. Every time I read those scriptures, I felt like there was something there that I was missing. Truthfully, I didn't expect anyone in the room to know the answer. But I hadn't gotten the answer in prayer yet, so I asked.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">No one had the answer I was looking for. But as I listened, the Lord gave it to me. And while asking a question about Isaiah seems a bit strange, it applies directly to my life. You see, verse 10 talks about those who obey the Lord, yet walk in darkness. Right now, I have no clue what is going to happen in my future. To me, that is darkness. But there are different levels of darkness, and here Isaiah is speaking to two different types of people – both rebuking and consoling those who cannot see the light. The rebuke is for those who cannot see the blessings of God – who claim that following the Lord has no benefit for them. If they cannot see the Lord's light they are obviously lacking in some way. Anyone who honestly obeys the Lord can see His hand in his life. The consolation is for those who see the hand of the Lord, yet can't see the future – the “Lead, Kindly Light” motif. If they will trust in God and continue to follow Him, the scripture promises that the light will come.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The light I'd like is a revelation on what I'm supposed to be doing in life. And the answer, while long in coming, is that I probably won't have a career in the sense that I'm thinking. I probably won't have one job to define me for the rest of my life. That makes sense; there probably hasn't ever been a time, other than when I was a missionary, when I was easily definable with an adjective that described my life. Right now? I'm an editor/teacher/writer/<wbr></wbr>aromachemist. Tomorrow? Who knows. But my long-term goals? To move forward, to knock on doors, and to open them to make a difference wherever I can. To learn as much as I can to make a difference in various ways in the world... and then to move on, taking with me the knowledge I've gained and becoming a better builder for the next project.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Job-wise, I'll probably stay at the MTC until another job comes my way after June. Will I look for one? Yes. I'll try to find someone who can point me in the right direction, talk with people, and ask for job leads. Every other job has come from someone I knew... so this next one will probably be no different.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">And so it is with each of us. The Lord teaches us lessons tailored to our individual needs. He may focus on humility, hard work, or the importance of faith. Or He may choose something as unique as making soap. But He will teach us – and as we walk in His path, He will give us His light. Not enough to see everything, but enough to walk by. And as we continue to walk in the light, it will grow brighter and brighter... “until the perfect day.” Look at the hand of the Lord in your own life. Find the lessons of light that He is trying to teach you. Then go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5982099956027121944.post-65200595005995092832010-03-07T19:29:00.001-07:002010-07-17T19:31:00.476-06:00Peace<div class="MsoNormal">A week ago I wanted to quit my job at the MTC. I wanted it more than almost anything in the world. I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything, I wasn’t <i>going</i> to be accomplishing anything, and <i>I</i> didn’t really matter. My managers could hire anyone else to do the job and, while it would be inconvenient to train new employees, they could do it just as well… and work would move on. Simultaneously, I wondered (and stressed) about decisions with Nature’s Fusions. I wondered if I should continue teaching part-time, and what subject to teach. I wondered about which institute class to attend. I wondered if I should apply for medical schools, business schools, graduate schools, or any schools, for 2011. I wondered if I should be a temple worker. I wondered if I should stay in Utah or move to Chicago or just pick up everything and run away to Italy or China.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The only reason why I didn’t quit was that, just as clearly as I felt I wanted to quit, the Lord made it very clear that I was not supposed to. He simply told me to wait. So I waited. And then this week happened, and again I am left praising Him for His goodness and mercy. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">One of my mentors suggested that I talk with my supervisors about my concerns at work. I did, and they promptly gave me new responsibilities, freeing me from the one (which has consumed my life these past few weeks) that made my brain ache. I also learned about a project that is due in only a few months… the kind of project where I can be an active part and make a difference. And there was talk about making the office a more people-friendly place – moving workstations to be closer as a team, helping one another on diverse projects, turning on music in the office. All it took was some patience (for the new project) and action – asking for help.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I had wanted to attend some upcoming expos for Nature's Fusions – the Home & Garden Expo, the Women’s Expo… but, after looking at the cost involved, it doesn’t really make sense for us. Not only is there the cost for entering the exhibition, but also creating a booth, covering the floor, having giveaways and promotions, paying extra for electricity, and sometimes paying a premium to make sales. Total that up, and it’s much more than I really want to pay for advertising. And my brother-business partner is out of town during every Expo we wanted to attend. I could go alone or find someone else, but I’ve decided to simply spend less. It’s coming from my bank account, anyway. We’ll keep looking – and if we find an Expo with a much smaller entrance fee then maybe we’ll go. In the meantime, we are moving forward.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I decided to keep teaching part-time in Draper – this time, a mix of different science disciplines based on what students what to learn and what I want to teach. Some of my students are already excited at the prospect of learning about <i>‘anything’</i> in the world of science. It’s really an open door… and if they choose something I don’t know, then I guess it will be a good learning experience for me, too. Hopefully there will be a bunch of students (and parents) interested in the concept.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And all the rest of my decisions are as of yet unmade or un-makeable. I don’t know where I’ll be living after the end of April. I don’t know what my plans are for graduate school. I don’t even know which institute class I’ll attend this week. But there is something I do know. The Lord is my shepherd; no want shall I know. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My mind is strangely calm right now. I can’t really see forward, and yet, for some odd reason, I don’t really feel the need to see it. I’m not sure what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I’m not concerned. Just days ago I wished I had a more clear direction… and now I’m ok that I don’t even know which way I’m going. I am suddenly aware and yet alright with ambiguity in life – ok with not knowing exactly where I am or where I am going, because I am not alone. I’ve always been afraid of being lost… and yet, something deep within me leaves me with a sense of profound peace… peace because I can face anything, even the amorphous mass that is around me… peace because at my side I have a God who cares about me… peace because I know that, if I am doing all I can, that, combined with His power, will be enough to assure me eternal happiness.</div><div class="MsoNormal">That’s really all there is to life. Do your best, keep the commandments, and rely on the Lord. And then everything will work out for the best. There will definitely be bumps in the road, shadows and darkness to overcome, mountains to climb and rivers to cross. But, with Him at our side, we will always come out victorious. I know that God is involved in the details of our lives. I know that He cares about us. And I know that, if we will turn to Him and follow in His ways, He <i>will </i>ultimately lead us beside quiet waters and give us rest for our souls. We will be happy – here and in eternity. Have faith, and believe! Go out and be missionaries!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0